Being a stubborn teenager can be frustrating. You want the best for your child, but how do you steer him in the right direction when he’s clearly running off track? And how do you know when a teen is just going through the motions or when he needs extra help? In this article, you’ll learn three important tips for gradually getting back the boy you know and love and how to help the teen you can’t seem to make an impact on.
First, you need to understand that stubbornness teen behavior is a function of brain development and hormones. Adolescence is a time of neuronal pruning and brain remodeling. At this time, the brain expels complete neural networks and the prefrontal cortex, which is the part of the brain that once completed, allows adults young people to make healthy choices.
The problem is in the teen years, your child’s brain goes out the window. For this reason, formally responsible kids suddenly start making shamefully poor choices. Combine this with the surge of hormones during adolescence, and you have behaviors such as bullying, rudeness and contempt for the teen. Choices made in a rebellious state can be recipe disasters for kids and the parents who are in charge of them.
As parents we know very well that decisions made in ten years can affect a person for the rest of their life. For example, making the decision to make a good grade can be a gateway to college and the ability to earn a good living in a fulfilling career and support a decent family. The choice to drop out can lead to low-paying jobs and poor livelihoods.
We love our kids, but teenage defiance and their choices scare us and make us worry about their future. Below are three tips that will help. (Note that these tips apply to teens who most often meet people, not teens who are chronically moody and rebellious. Read to the end of the article to learn how to help this type of teenager).
- Give your child kudos for the good choices he makes. If you’re always on your back about what you’re doing wrong, you’ll end up feeling like you can’t do anything right, so why bother? In some ways, teenagers are like two-year-olds, you need to recognize the small steps they are taking in positive directions and set firm boundaries. So give your kid a “good job” when he’s studying or when he takes dinner-plates to the upstairs sink. but do not be at the top. He knows you are good at what he does with little approval. Sometimes a nod, or a pat on the back, is enough.
- Do not rescue your child from your behavior. If he acts like a typical teen being defiant and withdrawn from his teachers, he doesn’t call and apologize for his behavior. Let the teen learn from himself that his behavior has consequences in the world for which he must be responsible. Talk to him about the choices that serve him, rather than those that ultimately make him miserable, but don’t preach. Ask him questions that help him find the answers within himself. As parents in parents we do one of the hardest things to make our children learn hard lessons in life, but in the end this will make people responsible.< /li>
- Three in teen development. Remember what you were like as a teen. In some ways, when they reject the stubbornness of our teenage years and we all support them, they are desperately trying to find themselves. Yes, this may involve some poor, reactionary choices, but as long as we help them learn and clearly define boundaries, we will be able to steer the teen away from those choices that permanently change the course of his life. plant seeds of love and wisdom in your In time they will sprout and bloom.
Of course, these suggestions only work with kids who are basically good kids, but act like a stubborn teenager from time to time. For kids who have been diagnosed with oppositional-defiant-disorder, a different technique is needed. These kids have developed a type of behavior that is chronically negative and aggressive. Even if your teen is not diagnosed with this condition, but this teen shows behavior, you should get help.
Don’t delay, because as your pubic grows in age, strength and psychological power, this behavior usually worsens, so it’s important to get help now. Studies have shown that this type of teenbehavior can also lead to criminal behavior as adults. The solution to stubborn teenagers is to get them into therapy or use a humane home program that will teach you skills skills to help your teenager life around . The benefits of a behavioral program is that it creates measurable changes in behavior and is a tool you can use to educate. you will know what he is doing when he is acting.
Another possibility, although it is much rougher, is military school or teen boot camp, but most parents only agree to this as a last resort.
As parents, we love our kids and wish them the best. That’s why we have to pay attention to the affirmations that teenagers give us and learn when they just need patience, boundaries and guidance and stubborn teens need extra help.
Laura Ramirez is an advocate who helps troubled kids get their lives back on track with an at-home personality modification program called Total Transformation, which was developed by a therapist who was once a troubled teen himself.
He is also the author of the award winning parenting book, Guardians of Children: Native Wisdom and Parenting which parents teaches how to raise kids to increase their strengths and lead them to a fulfilling life.
