Many teachers, as you struggle through that composition class, want you to write a process essay. It is a fairly straight forward essay. Describe a process. And here is where many students mess up. They merely describe a process in the most boring way possible. They don’t realize that many college instructors, like me, read about 100 process papers over one weekend. And by the time we get to number two, we are so BORED, we would love to see something clever, interesting, amusing – anything that is above the average process paper which reads more like a recipe, than an essay the student actually seem to enjoy writing.
Below is a sample process essay. Note that it describes how to change a tire, but it goes beyond that.
Sample Process Essay:
How To Change a Tire
When changing a tire, you must first know that the Gods have a terrific sense of humor and are aligned against you. You will never get to change a tire in your driveway on a nice sunny day. Oh No! That would not amuse the GODS.
Here’s is how you really end up changing a tire. It is the coldest day of the year, when your hands freeze if they touch anything cold. Like a tire iron. Throw in some blowing snow, cars whizzing past at 60 miles per hour and your better half, whining as she stands in the cold. You try to explain that it is not safe to jack up a car with her in, but she has entered the first stage of frostbite and is in no mood to listen.
Actually there is a lesson to be learned from the above scenario. Fake a bad back and make your friend or better half change the tire. Whoops – wrong lesson. The lesson is – be prepared. Changing a tire can kill you. There are over 207,000 people a year killed while changing tires.
That is why, before even thinking about changing tires, you need road flashers, that you put behind your car to let people know that they should slow down, switch to the other lane, and not roar by you at 89 miles per hour. But many drivers are idiots and will roar by you at 89 miles per hour anyway.
In your safety equipment, make sure you have a pair of gloves and a parka – this is for that snow storm you will be changing the tire in. Also have a flashlight! It is very hard to find the lug nuts you need to loosen in the dark.
Another piece of common sense, when they put your tires on at the store, they use an electric power gun. And they put those lug nuts on tight! Even Superman would have trouble loosing them. So before you leave the shop, take out your tire iron and see if you can turn the lug nuts. If you can’t , have them loosen the lug nuts.
Also – buy a real tire iron. Find the biggest one that will give you the most leverage. Throw out the little anemic tire iron that came with your car. It is a cruel joke and will merely teach your kids new cuss words as you try to loosen a lug nut with it.
Another safety tip, look at the hubcaps on your tires. Did someone put a lock on them? There is nothing more irritating than changing your tire, only to realize you need a key to unlock the hubcaps. And of course the key will be nowhere to be found as the snowstorm intensifies and drivers start whipping by you at 100 miles an hour.
Oh, yes the process of changing a tire is easy. Open the trunk, take out the spare tire, jack and tire-iron. Take the hubcap off the wheel, loosen the lug nuts, jack up the car, take off the lug nuts ( put them in the hubcap so you know where they are are) , put the new tire on, tighten the lug nuts, lower the car, tighten the lug nuts further, put everything back in the trunk, and drive away.
Of course, at home, you did have enough sense to double-check that your spare tire was inflated, that your jack and tire iron were in the trunk and you knew where to position the jack underneath the car, And your flashlight actually worked. Midnight on a cold, cold night is no time to learn that your spare tie is not inflated and you can’t find your jack.
I did leave out one important step in changing a tire. Remember that 207,000 people a year are killed changing a tire. You can join Triple A for about 50 bucks a year and they come out and change your tire. Is it worth betting your life against crazy drivers for 50 bucks a year?
So when you have a flat tire, the real steps you need to take are ensure your cell phone is charged, you have Triple A’s number in your phone, pull off the road as far as you can and call for help.
