“Have you been to the Carnivore”? The question is a constant thread from Nairobi taxi drivers and concierges. At first I thought they were saying Carnival, but was quickly corrected. Although the restaurant that is the Carnivore could certainly be construed to be a carnival.
To best describe the Carnivore restaurant think Brazilian BBQ on steroids. Its own self motto of a “Beast of a Feast” may be the best definition. The menu boasts and delivers exotic choices such as crocodile, ostrich, and camel. For the less adventurous diner it offers the standard red and white meat dishes. Including leg of lamb, beef ribs, chicken etc. As disgusting as it may sound, my favorite was oxen testes.
In spite of the fact that the Kenya National Conservancy Animal Orphanage sits just five minutes down the road, an apology is prominently placed at the bottom of the menu. It laments the fact that the Kenyan government has outlawed real game meat. A fact that the eatery is strongly in disfavor of and one it is hopeful will soon be overturned.
The eating establishment is really more a tourist trap than anything else, with food as the central attraction. It sits about 15 minutes from midtown or 20 minutes from the international airport. Should you choose to go by taxi, the real challenge may be maintaining an appetite after the harrowing ride. I have ridden in taxis in New York, Europe and throughout Latin America and have never seen such a blatant disregard for traffic lights, road signs or pedestrians.
Once off the main road, you negotiate a few turns through an industrial park before being stopped at the Carnivore Gate. There was a certain similarity to pulling up to any U.S. Zoo, as the exterior displays lots of thatch with tribal shields a plenty.
The structure is mostly open air, with art galleries and curio shops on each side. A long entrance lined with tropical plants ends at the hostess stand which is placed right in front of a grandiose circular fire pit. For us meat eaters the aroma is second to none. Sweating chefs endlessly braise and turn the cooking meat. The flames jump and lick at their target as the juices drip into the pit.
Once seated, roaming waiters circle the restaurant carrying huge spits of sizzling meat. All are outfitted with a smile and a carving knife so large and sharp it could easily be confused as a machete. A “Lazy Susan” of sauces sits in the middle of the table and each server instructs which flavor goes best with their particular offering. For drinks, the attached Simba Salon offers a full bar menu. I would encourage you to skip the Heineken, and try all of the local beers. Tusker beer is a local favorite and one you can often find here in the states.
The Carnivore is not Kenya, like Disneyland is not the U.S. The place is cheesy, and as politically incorrect as the “Happiest Place on Earth” is correct. That being said, it is also very entertaining, has excellent food and makes for a great memory. If you do get a chance to visit, remember to bring a sense of culinary adventure, but most of all come with an appetite as the amount of food available could sate a lion in the Serengeti.
