So you want to live like a rock star do you? Well being a rock star isn’t all fun and games. It’s a lot of hard work. It takes years of dedication and practice at your craft. You can’t just trash a Motel 6 and think you can do as good job of trashing a suite at the Four Seasons. That’s right being a rock star isn’t all about parties, money, cars, and drugs. If you think so then you are forgetting the most important part. No not the music your not a composer like Mozart for a rock star its all about sex. Naming Your Group
Naming your group is sometimes more important then the group itself. For instance with a name like The Beatles you could be the greatest band ever, but does anyone remember them from when they were The Silver Beetles? No!! A name can be more important then who is in it, for instance most people below the age of thirty don’t even know who George Harrison is, but they do know who the Beatles, and Paul McCartney are.
A name tells about what you stand for, for example The Jimi Hendrix Experience is about drug experiences, where did you think that purple haze came from? Or The Loven Spoonful is about free love, pot, and junk. The Beach Boys are about the freedom of the ocean, summer nights with surfer girls in the back of your woody, and that sort of thing. Of course no one has ever figured out where the culture club got their name or what Munudo is supposed to even mean.
If you have a name like Stepenwolf people might not understand what your about. Or if you have a wimpy name like Nsync, Back Street Boys, or the granddaddy of them all New Kids On The Block then no guy will ever respect you for the rest of your life. So a name is very important.
When picking a name you need to have it tell about your band, the band ideology, the kind of music, etc. So a good example for you would probably be Guys Wanting to Pick Up Chicks. A Bunch of Guys Trying To Change The Corrupt Warmongering Society of Ours is probably not a good name. Of course if you did feel that way then The Prissy Rainbow Unicorn Ponies would be a good name, unfortunately you couldn’t even sell an album in San Francisco.
To help you pick a name I’ll tell you a secret. It has been discovered that bands with the word “The,” in it do quiet well. A few examples are The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, or The Who. So to make it simple for yourself just call yourself The. Picking a Band
The first thing about picking a band is how many people should you pick. One person isn’t really a band but just a performer, for example The Jackson Five is a band but Michael Jackson well is just weird. So you need more then one person. It would be a good idea to have less then a thousand people too. I would even go so far as to say to limit it to no more then ten. Besides you don’t want any competition for the women.
You will probably want a drummer, guitarist, and bassist at least. Of course you may want to add more instruments such as a rhythm guitarist or a mbiraist. So you have to figure out how many instruments you need and that will be how many people you’ll want.
You can’t just pick any people either. It is preferred that the members of your band at least know something about music. However it is not required, for instance The Beach Boys drummer was made drummer since he couldn’t play any instrument. In many musical genres no musical knowledge is required, you don’t even need to know how to sing. So long as you can yell real loud you will probably be fine.
Also you need to pick people for personality and looks. I know in a perfect world these things wouldn’t matter and that everyone would have an equal opportunity based on their own ability. But fortunately for good-looking guys like me the world isn’t like that. First you don’t want anyone better looking then you because they’ll steal all the chicks. You don’t want any ugly people either, but freaks are ok, if you could get the elephant man or monkey boy you will be a hit. Personality is also important for instance you can’t have two sporty people. For instance there is only one baby spice, you can’t have two baby spices you might be able to have two scary spices though. SO now hopefully you have a band. Writing Music
Yeah and do you think if I could do that I would be wasting my time writing this?
Sorry but you are on your own with this one. Getting a Gig
Some places have open mic nights, though often the bands that perform for these really suck. So you should fit right in. Having connections in the industry help, just look at Hillary Duff. Now you can even buy software that you can use to make your own CD on your own. (Heaven help us) Playing for parties is a great way to start, even No Doubt had to once. Besides do you have anything better to do on a Saturday night then playing for a high school party and scoring with the head cheerleader? (Sorry only lead guitarist and drummers can) Fame
All right so now fame is no longer just an old school song to you. The first thing you have to do if you have not already done is something I can’t tell you. (My lawyers said that endorsing people getting stoned could get me in legal trouble) The second thing is to get roadies. What you do with the roadies I have been informed by my lawyers I can’t tell you. Besides I don’t want to know, I’ll just leave that one up to you. Then you have to get a big mansion with lots of cool cars. The next thing that will make you a “Rock Star,” I can’t tell you. (Four Seasons threatened to sue if I did) Finally to become a true “Rock Star,” no a “Rock Legend,” you must do something which I am not allowed to say has to do with death, drugs, and overdosing. Conclusion
Well there it is for you the steps to making you a rock star. If you follow these steps you are probably either stupid, a twelve-sixteen year old boy, or about to become a rock star. I promise, or I’ll refund your money.
