“Where there’s an addict, there’s usually an addiction to the problem” is a truism that people struggling with need to recognize the addict’s need before the addict will ever get better. Many people who are in a relationship with an addict have no idea that they have their own separate codependency problem that is actually helping to perpetuate the addict’s problems instead of helping them. Therefore, the identity of codependency in families with addiction problems is just as important as admitting the addict can have a problem.
I will equate codependent with codependent, and I will use the terms interchangeably in this article, because I believe that someone who is codependent is addicted to people, and in turn, codependent.
Defining Codependency:
Codependency occurs when a person thinks or believes that they cannot live separately in a relationship with another. A person who is codependent is so consumed with meeting the needs of another and solving their own problems that they lose their own. to ignore identity (self-harm) and one’s own needs and problems.
Codependency is also the effect and cause of teenagers making such bad choices in friendships and lovers. Many are less inclined to believe that it is better to have someone than no one, and that they deserve someone in the first place.
Explaining the code:
I have often observed the young pastor following the mission. A girl in love with a smooth-talking guy. When a girl comes from a home in which her father is either divorced or distant, she is easily surrounded and seduced by flowery words that she is not used to (but really feels good inside). Eventually the relationship is pushed to sex and it is declared that you either “love me” or leave me. Afraid of losing “another man” like she did with her dad, she “cuts out” on the young girl and ends up hollow. he will hope in every desire of his girlfriend that it will be enough to keep him forever.
This actual scenario is not only real, but a foreshadowing of two people who will eventually struggle in their marriage because of one sex addict (if not already) and the other untimely addict, which will unknowingly support her husband’s behavior. not being able to share fear, pain, anger and shame with a man.
“Cover” or deal with Codependency:
One common thread that both addicts and coaddicts have in common is that they both have unresolved and what I would call non-resolved wounds. Most people living in the 21st century come from family origins where there has been a fair amount of trauma and brokenness growing up, and as a result they will in turn take on their own dysfunctional approach. needs met in all current and future relationships until real issues are resolved.
A lack of intimacy growing up will always generate a lack of familiarity in adulthood. The addict is afraid of sharing their innermost wounds to resolve their pain and overcome the pain of addiction, while the co-addict fears the addict will be angry when he expresses his legitimate needs, desires and feelings to him so he will turn all his energy on himself. and he tries to make the time happy, but every time he only perpetuates his problem (addiction). The codependent feels like she is actually helping to soothe the addict and the problem.
Codependents need to realize that there is a difference between serving someone who is actually helping them and serving in the hope of secretly getting your needs met down the road. Codependency and slavery can look a lot alike and unless one really knows the reason behind the act, we will never know the difference. The main difference is that codependents in their nature serve themselves (they serve to serve, even if in a wrong way), but those who are healthy in self-love and self-management concern serve with a mind of expecting nothing in reality. to let go
Only the human being can experience the way he breaks through the attached being in order to realize for the first time that he is one. Second, they must receive help and support to make their minds inhumanly honest in assessing their truths as human beings and to be able to meet their needs. This can only happen in an environment of safety, honesty, love and acceptance.
Celebrate Recovery is a great help or start to find support for general French. True Faith Ministries.com is another great resource specializing in sexual addiction that was founded by Mark and Debbie Laaser.
SOURCES:
“Addiction & Recovery” (speakers Jennifer Cisney, M.A., and Debbie Laaser, B.S.). Beyond Codependency. Lesson 501. DVD. www.lightuniversity.com. 2009
