All parents at some stage have to decide on appropriate punishments for the times that their child has been deliberately disobedient. Parents who are in disagreement over standards of behavior and forms of punishment send conflicting signals to their child about what is acceptable and what isn’t. In my experience, these parents usually end up with a very manipulative and spoilt child.
During the third year, the first step a child will take towards becoming more independent of his parents is to attend nursery school. A child who has not learnt to co-operate with his parents at home will have a much more difficult time adapting to nursery school and taking instruction from other adults. All children will, from time to time, test their parents by being deliberately naughty and some form of punishment may be needed. Twenty years ago a quick sharp smack was considered as a fairly normal way of dealing with a disobedient child. Nowadays, childcare experts and parents are divided on whether smacking is an effective way of dealing with bad behavior. Many child psychologists believe that smacking a child leads him to believe that violence is the way to deal with situations he can’t control.
Smacking is already illegal in Austria, Finland, Denmark, Germany, Norway and Sweden which should lead parents to consider seriously whether they should even consider it as a form of punishment.
Smacking
In my experience, the majority of parents who resort to smacking their child do so when they feel they are losing control of a situation and their temper snaps. One of my clients who is totally opposed to smacking walloped her four-year-old son when he deliberately pushed his 18-month-old sister into the duck pond in Battersea Park, and another did the same when her three-year-old daughter ran into the middle of a busy London street bringing all the traffic to a screeching halt.
In both of these instances I can understand why the mothers resorted to smacking and agree with Christopher Green’s belief that the minor emotional trauma caused by the smack is a small price to pay if it prevents the major pain of injury and keeps children alive and healthy. As he says, a hard smack might do more to grave the message on a toddler’s mind that climbing onto the edge of a high balcony is not allowed, than trying to debate democratically with him ‘that it is rather dangerous as it is 50 metres onto the road below and he might sustain a nasty injury’.
Only a very few of my clients have ever resorted to smacking a regular form of punishment for their children and it is my belief that as a punishment it rarely worked and only caused the children to behave more aggressively. I believe there are other methods of punishment that are far more effective than smacking. When deciding on a suitable form of punishment it is essential that the one you choose is appropriate. For example, with a child who throws his food on the floor or scribbles on the wall it would be better to make him clean the mess up than to make him take time out. Likewise the child who loses his temper and throws his toys around, should have the toys in question taken away for a short period. It is also important that the child is given a warning of how he will be punished should he continue to misbehave. A firm verbal warning given properly and in the right manner can often eliminate the need for any further punishment.
