Ten Ways to Annoy your Cat
Cat’s are cunning creatures full of hazardous curiosity if the idiom is too be believed and lucky to boot with almost as many lives as Timelord regenerations or seasons of ‘Friends’. They comfort us when we cry; claw us when they are happy, overheat us in our sleep and are more effective than an alarm clock if you’ve fallen into bed without feeding them. They posture at being proud, nick the best seat in the house, pounce on your feet unless duvet secured and always stand where you’re about to walk.
We love our cats; we feed them, play with them, stroke them and vacuum the house repeatedly in the summer when they are losing more hair then that baldly uncle you know but sometimes it’s fun to push their buttons and get the upper hand clever Cheshire cat smile.
So without further ado here are ten ways that are sure to drive your kitty crazy.
1.) Buy a laser beam pen and dance it around the floor until their curiosity is peeked then turn it off when they pounce on it and watch the look of sheer bewilderment, confusion and injustice on their faces.
2.) Let that perfect pet get all comfy and snugly on your knee while you’re watching your favourite show and get up and change chairs at every advert break.
3.) Feed the dog first and shut the cat out of the kitchen; pay more attention to the dog; simply have a dog in general and if you don’t own one invite your neighbour dogs in for a bow-wow and watch your cat ruffle its feathers and get all territorial on their doggy bottoms! Oh but don’t leave them alone as blood stains are far too hard t get out of the carpet.
4.) Shut a door, any door and that will be the one they want into.
5.) Buy a bird bath and place it in front of your cat’s favourite window sill though if you’re cat’s completely clueless this may result in head to glass damage but at the very least you can watch their aggravation and disgust grow as they click their teeth and natter at the winged chancers that are beyond reach.
6.) Buy a cat harness or lead and hire out your cat to the young children of family and friends to complete their witches outfit at Hallowe’en. Actually trying to manoeuvre your cat into a collar or harness is betrayal enough.
7.) Dress your cat up in dolls clothes complete with bonnet and take pictures to cement the embarrassment making sure to use a flash that they can’t help but look at ’til their seeing sun spots!
8.) Rattle their food bowl, tap that fork against their tasty meat tins or use their dry food like maracas to get them to can running and then plug in your ear phones and ignore the mewling meows for an hour or simply sit down to a steaming dinner of salmon or tuna, let them jump on your lap and slowly spoon feed yourself above their heads.
9.) Throw their preferred cat toy, rubber band, pen, your favourite lipstick etc into the shower cubicle, close the door/curtain and turn on the water.
10.) And always, always encroach on their personal space especially when they are sleeping. This could take the form of blowing on their ears, pulling their tail or just holding onto their tail when they want to swish it back and forth like a light sabre, tickling the pads of their feet or lightly plucking on their whiskers. Have fun with it. Experiment.
