Larry King recently handed in his towel after 25 years of CNN carrying his popular television show, Larry King Live, where he would sit down and ask a variety of famous, and sometimes infamous, guests their viewpoints. Though Larry King was born before the modern printing press was invented, he did use Twitter to break the news to his fans, some of whom believed that the show would have gone on for decades more. While some of interviews were easily forgettable, many were not, here are the top ten interview quotes:
1. Larry King: Did you ever think that you might want to, . . . or just enjoy being around humans more?
Big Foot: Wow, that’s really the heart of the matter. Fact is, I’m Big Foot, rummaging around the forest is what I do, I don’t know if I could give that up to be on a reality show or something. My father was “the Big Foot”, and I can’t see myself doing anything else. But yes, my agents are talking with Fox about a reality show.
2. Larry King: What do you have to say about allegations that your restaurant, . . . restaurant chain, is addicting people, including children, to fast food?
Ronald McDonald: Well, we give kids what they want . . . toys and yummy food!
Larry King: Do kids want to eat trans fat, cholesterol and other unhealthy food additives?
Ronald McDonald: In many cases they do, yes.
Larry King: What’s more important, your shareholders, or the health of your customers?
Ronald McDonald: That’s a hard one I’ll have to get back to you on that . . . want a fry?
Larry King: I don’t think you’ve answered my, . . .
Ronald McDonald: That’s it, I’m done with this stupid show . . .
3. Larry King: In 1947, you crashed, or I guess your spaceship crashed in New Mexico, was alcohol a factor?
Martian: I really had to take a look in the mirror, Larry. I mean, here I was an internationally, no actually a galactically traveled martian and I get tripped up in New Mexico and hauled out to some secret . . .
Larry King: So alcohol was not . . .
Martian (crying): It was, . . . yup it sure was a factor, though technically it was 7-UP, but us martians get punch drunk on earth soda. I’m glad I finally admitted that publicly. I have started a 12 Step program last week.
4. Larry King: Do you think, that in any way your company contributed criminally to the oil spill?
BP CEO Tony Hayward: Maybe, but its not really my job to figure that out, no doubt Congress will investigate and criminal charges are pending. . .
Larry King: Congress said you stonewalled them, was there a message you hoped to get across that you didn’t?
BP CEO Tony Hayward: Well, yes, that I want my life back!
Larry King: What life is that?
BP CEO Tony Hayward: Boating on my yacht and going to fancy parties. You have no idea what an oil spill can do to an active high society social calendar.
5. Larry King: How long have you been in the children’s toy aisle?
Barbie: Decades, and believe me its getting old. Even though I’ve got a lot of accessories now, I use my iPhone to stay in touch with friends like Strawberry Shortcakes. She’s in rehab, really depressed about not selling as well as before.
Larry King: Does Ken treat you well?
Barbie: Well, he did, but he left me for that little hussie cowgirl in the Toy Story movies.
6. Larry King: How do you feel about comparisons between you and a horse?
Prince Charles: They hurt! I am a bloody royal after all, and I’m working on a green community village in England.
Larry King: Yes, where residents can “work and live more ecologically friendly lives” how’s that? The living ecologically friendly lives?
Prince Charles: They help take care of horses.
7. Larry King: Your break up with Prince Charles devastated many people in Britain, why did it happen?
Princess Diana: He was always looking in the mirror and asking me, “Do I look like a horse?” I couldn’t take it any more. He also was always buying horse paintings and statues. I had to get out. The Queen was also always hiding my personal affects like my pursue and hats.
8. Larry King: Your impeachment was hard, but you often said that your wife, Hillary Clinton, was even more mad at you and dealing with her was worse . . .
Bill Clinton: Yeah, she threw lamps and stuff all the time at the White House all the time, upset that my affairs would reflect poorly on her and her career, but when I got impeached she tried to drop a piano on me.
Larry King: Really?
Bill Clinton: Yeah, the secret service stopped her fortunately, but she pushed it all the way to the second floor patio and she was about to push it over the railing.
9. Larry King: Your son, Prince Charles, has faced a lot of criticism in the wake of his divorce from Princess Diana, how do you respond to it?
Queen Elizabeth: He deserves all of it, he’s impossible to control. I know they call him the “Horse Prince”, and its true! When he was born I was amazed at how similar he looked to my favorite horse.
Larry King: Will he be King one day?
Queen Elizabeth: I don’t see how, it would make Great Britain the butt of a plethora of horse jokes.
10. Larry King: How big of an environmentalist would your friends say you are?
Al Gore: All of my friends would say, Al really cares about mother earth.
Larry King: Would you say you have a mystical, or almost close relationship with mother earth?
Al Gore: Yes, we dated in high school before I met Tipper.
Larry King: Really? What did she, mother earth tell you about saving the environment?
Al Gore: She said that one day I would be king of the world for helping to decrease global warming and that I would get a special medal for it, and I did get a Nobel Peace Prize, I’m just waiting for the “king of the world” part, until then I turn out the lights when I’m not at home.
For the top ten activities at the Cat Time Café, click here.
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