In the 1999 Fox film Fight Club, Brad Pitt plays a character by the name of Tyler Durden, at one point in the movie; Tyler Durden is describing a telephone conversation he had with his father to another character in the movie. Durden is unsure where his life is headed and his purpose in life, so he calls his father and begins repeating the question, Dad, now what? Durden relates to the other character that with each reiteration of the question, his father tells him to complete various life tasks, such as complete school, get a job, get married, etc. Each time Durden completes one of these tasks however, he appears more exasperated, not really convinced that such events will bring him happiness.
In my counseling work with professional men, I see this issue quite a bit. In fact, I’ve nicknamed it the Checklist Conundrum (i.e. got a job, check, got married, check, got kids, check, but I still feel miserable). Men who come to see me with this issue, do so for a variety of reasons. However, some do so because they struggle with a serious mental illness, long-term depression. They incorrectly assume that by going down and completing the checklist, they will feel better about themselves. When the checklist fails, many turn to other coping strategies: spending more time working, abusing alcohol or other drugs, becoming involved in extramarital affairs. Of these coping strategies, overwork is the most socially accepted in this culture. In corporate culture, a man who consistently overworks may be viewed as “ambitious” or “industrious.”
According to the Men Get Depression National Educational Outreach Campaign, developed by the social marketing organization, State of the Art, in 2007, one in four men have depressive symptoms. That’s a lot of men! Unfortunately, many men will refuse to admit they are struggling with a mental illness; just this label itself will create resistance for many men to seek treatment.
At the same time, it can be hard to recognize depression in men. Most people are aware of common depressive symptoms such as oversleeping, poor self-esteem and losing all interest in previously pleasurable activities. However, for many men, other symptoms can be much more prevalent. The Mayo Clinic on their website list other signs and symptoms which are just as common with depressed men, such as being controlling, violent or abusive to those around them, displaying “inappropriate anger” and engaging in unsafe activities.
Men need to start to recognize these behaviors for what they are, coping mechanisms against the very real symptoms of depression. Although both men and women can develop depression, according to the National Institute of Health, men are four times as likely to die by suicide in the United States. So If the checklist is failing you or your overworking is more than just trying to get ahead, perhaps you should consider help.
More information can be found here:
Men Get Depression National Educational Outreach Campaign
Men and Depression (U.S. National Institute of Health)
