I believe that educating and informing people helps to dismantle prejudice. Many people have questions they’d like to ask a lesbian, but don’t think they know any lesbians to ask. This article is for those people and anyone else interested in learning more about lesbians. If you have more questions after reading this article, feel free to post them as comments (or if you’d rather ask in private, email me your questions instead). If there turns out to be a significant number of additional questions, I will gladly write a second article in the future. Please don’t be shy, as I’ll gladly tell you anything you want to know.
On a popular message board (MyLot), I asked members to ask me any questions they wished to know. Many people expressed their gratefulness for having such a topic posted. Several members took advantage of the opportunity to ask questions. I figured that if one person asked a question, many others probably had that same question but were afraid to ask. With that belief in mind, I decided to put some of the best questions into an article. There were no stupid questions and everyone just wanted to learn. Below are some of the many questions posted.
Q: Do you ever miss the touch and feel of a man?
A: I personally do not miss the touch and feel of a man, as I’ve never been with a man. I don’t think I’d ever want to be with a man either. Of course, you’ll receive different answers on this question depending on who you ask. If you ask someone who is at a different spot on the sexuality continuum (more towards bisexual than lesbian, for example) they may tell you that they do desire a man from time to time.
Q: Why do some lesbians want women who look and act like men? Why not just date men?
A: Everyone has different tastes. Some women like very feminine women, while others like masculine women. While there isn’t really a “man” in the relationship, it’s common for one partner to be more masculine than the other (however, that’s often used as a stereotype as well, it is definitely no where near always being true). Some of my friends who dated butch women said that they were still feminine in the bedroom, even though they looked very masculine. Another MyLot member explained it by saying that “some women like the masculine image, but not the masculine plumbing.”
Q: Can lesbians have sex on their periods?
A: Yes, absolutely. It would be horrible to both be on different cycles and then miss out on sex for 2 weeks out of each month. Lesbians do much more than just oral sex, so there are options when on your period. For example, touching is a good option when a tampon is inserted or penetration more towards the end of the period (similar for straight women who will have sex during their menstrual cycles).
Q: Do lesbians use sex toys?
A: Some do and some don’t. Many people believe that lesbians “need” toys. However, that is not the case. While toys aren’t needed, they can certainly be fun for a change. Some women love to use toys, while others say that God gave them everything they needed. It all depends on their individual preferences.
Q: Do lesbians watch porn?
A: While most people would agree that what is sold as lesbian porn was made with straight men in mind as the intended audience, lesbians can and do watch porn. Not all lesbians watch porn, but neither do all straight men or women. Porn can be something interesting, but it’s rarerly useful for ideas and certainly isn’t needed to get into the mood for sex.
Q: Do lesbians still need to get a PAP smear?
A: Definitely! Being a lesbian doesn’t mean that you can’t get cervical cancer. Cancer doesn’t discriminate based on sexual orientation.
One member posted that she was afraid of sounding ignorant online. In my opinion, if you’re trying to learn, that’s not being ignorant. I’m not easily offended by any question. I feel that by asking questions to those who are different from you, you can learn something. I’ve always cherished my opportunities to interact with those of other cultures, religions, etc. It is important for people to have a place to learn about others without fear, and the internet is an excellent place for that. I hope that many people will try harder to learn more about those who are different so that the world becomes a more understanding place.
