There are many stereotypes and misconceptions about older men and younger women relationships. A lot of people assume that the younger woman is looking for a “sugar daddy” and that the older man is looking for a “trophy wife”. Although some of these relationships are doomed from the start, there are many that marry, have children and have long, happy relationships.
Something an older man needs to consider when he dates or marries a younger woman is that she still may be of childbearing years. He needs to be prepared for the fact that he may be raising a young child in his retirement years. If you are a younger woman dating an older man, he may tell you upfront that he does not want anymore children. You need to think long and hard before continuing this relationship if you have never had any children. It can be difficult once your “biological clock” starts screaming and you start getting the intense desire to have a baby.
There are circumstances where pregnancy between an older man and younger woman happens by accident. At first, it can be very difficult for the man to realize that even though he may have grown children and grandchildren, he is going to start all over again. Plans that were made for future trips, retirement, and time together alone are put on the back burner. The older man fears he will never get to enjoy the rest of his life the way he dreamed. He may even feel trapped and resent his young wife because she is pregnant.
From my own personal experience, I know my husband went through many of these feelings because we discussed them at great length. When I found out I was pregnant, it was a total shock and both of us were in shock for two days. But once my husband had a chance to adjust, he slowly came around and couldn’t wait for the birth of his baby.
There are pros and cons to older men and younger women having children together. Below is my list that I have created from my own personal experience.
Pros
I have found that older men are more patient and mellow. In our family, when our child needs to be shown how to do something that takes a lot of time or involves a lot of instruction and direction my husband takes over.
Older men are more settled and seem to take life easier. The days of working massive hours a week to try and get ahead are over. They tend to enjoy the simpler things in life and tend to take each day as it comes. They also are more family-oriented and will spend more time with their children. My husband spends a lot more quality time with our child than he ever did with his other children. He says it is because he is older and he has a better perspective on life now. He values each moment with our child.
When a child is born from an older man/younger woman relationship, a whole world of learning opens up for the child. Our child (who is very young) knows many songs from the 1950s and 1960s from his father’s generation, as well as songs from the 1970s, 1980s and today. We have opened up a whole world of learning for him and he knows more about songs from years ago than many adults. He can also hear first-hand accounts of history from his father that he would otherwise only get from a history book.
In our situation, I have found that my husband is a better father because he has another chance to do things right. As parents, especially young parents, we tend to make a lot of mistakes. My husband feels as though he has been given another chance to take what he has learned as a parent and not make the same mistakes again.
Having a child with the person you love most is the greatest bond that can ever be created. Having a child together has completed our lives and filled that missing piece.
Cons
My biggest fear is that my husband will not live to see his child grow up. My husband will be 73 years old when our child graduates from high school. That is something that I think about a lot.
Neither my husband nor I are capable of doing a lot of physical activities with our child because of our health. We do have a young girl come in once a week just to play with a young child the way they need to be played with – lots of activity, running around, etc.
Because my husband is older, he has health conditions that typically affect older people. Our child has spent a lot of time in the hospital visiting daddy and worrying more than what a child should about health issues.
Children at our child’s school have noticed that “daddy is a lot older than mommy” and we get questions as to why that is. Now that he is around more children, he sees that his parents are different then other kids‘ parents.
These are the pros and cons of having children later in life that our family has experienced. I believe that if an older man and younger woman have a healthy relationship and are happy together having children is great. Our child is intelligent, outgoing, happy and well-adjusted so we must be doing something right. Even though our family situation isn’t typical, we love every minute of it. If I had to do it all over again, I would!
