We have all heard of the TV series “Desperate Housewives” or watched it on Sunday nights, but is it really an accurate title for the beautiful, perfectly fit actresses that portray the “Desperate Housewives”? I have watched the show since season 1 and continue to watch every Sunday but I have come to the conclusion of what a REAL Desperate Housewife is and it doesn’t include nannies, maids and young hot gardeners. After 2 years and 2 babies later, I have realized the meaning of “Desperate Housewife” so I decided to write about some clues that would indicate the possibility of being a REAL Desperate Housewife. By no means is being a housewife a bad thing and I wouldn’t trade the oppurtunity for anything (ok, maybe a maid and hot gardener but I prefer to raise my own kids). In fact, a stay at home Mom or housewife is probably one of the biggest underrated and unappreciated job out there! For those of you who can relate, you will understand what I mean.
Clue #1-The Amazing Race
You either take a shower after the kids go to bed or wake up early enough (before they do) to take one. As you get undressed and into the warm shower, you lather the soap on and shampoo your hair when suddenly you hear your child start waking up. You now feel like you are on the Amazing Race and rush to finish showering. So you hurry up, wash the soap out, jump out of the shower, throw a towel around you and hurry to your child’s bed. And 9 out of 10 times, your child has dozed off again, leaving you standing there dripping wet with no conditioner in your hair and 1 leg shaven. If this happens to you, you may just be a REAL Desperate Housewife.
Clue #2-The Closet
Now that you are out of the shower, its time to get dressed. First stop is your underwear drawer where you have choices. There are the nice lacey underwear or thongs and the larger underwear that actually fit but they outline your post-baby butt and show lines through your pants. You go for comfort and choose the larger, not so flattering underwear. Afterall, who is gonna be looking at your butt besides your spouse? Next is the sock drawer. On a cold day, its not about matching, its all about warmth and on a warm day, its no socks. Next stop is your closet and you decide to take the “comfort” route again You think of all your pants with elastic bands and the shirts that you won’t mind getting dirty or spit up on. You continue by sorting through your business attire, name brand clothing, jeans, and there it is! Your favorite Wal-Mart sweat suit! So go ahead and look at what you are wearing today and see if you are a REAL Desperate Housewife!
Clue #3-Kids Clothing
Now that you are dressed, its time to get the kids dressed so you head to their closet. For myself, my children are 6 weeks and 16 months so they haven’t developed their own opinions on style or dress so it’s all up to me. As you are looking through their clothing, you think about how cute they are going to look in the chosen outfit. So you dress him or her in the cutest name brand outfit and comb their hair until every hair is in its place. So if your child is dressed much nicer than you and its not “picture day”, you may be a REAL Desperate Housewife.
Clue #4-Social Interaction
The phone rings and you answer it without looking at caller ID hoping that its one of your friends to have some sort of social interaction, only to find out that its another stupid telemarketer ignoring the fact that you registered 5x onto the Do not call registry. So to your disappointment, you hand the phone to your toddler and let him or her listen to their sales pitch. Social interaction feels like a privledge when you are a REAL Desperate Housewife. So when your exciting Friday night out is to the local coffee shop with one of your girlfriends (and you even change out of the sweat suit to go!), you have officially joined the Housewives club!
Clue #5- No..No…No…
You spend your day using mostly 1 word sentences, (mostly the word “No” if you have a toddler). Another sign is when you find yourself humming or singing the lyrics of your child’s favorite TV show theme song. When you realize that you know all the words to the Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Little Einsteins and you sing along to the TV while your toddler stares at you like you are from another planet, you may consider yourself a REAL Desperate Housewife!
Clue #6-Unnecessary purchases
Doorbell rings! You go to the door without looking in the mirror, distracted and excited to think that a friend may be stopping by. You open the door to find the UPS man holding the boxes of items that you purchased on-line. These are those “great” sale items that were “80% off” and free shipping so you decide that you can’t pass up such a deal and order 16 of the same thing without even thinking who or what you are going to do with them. Or maybe it could be the infomercial that came on at 3am while you were nursing your baby and convinced you that you could lose the extra baby weight by purchasing seaweed pills and a balancing ball. If you are a victim of the internet specials, QVC addict or infomercial sucker, you may just be a REAL Desperate Housewife!
Clue #7-Nap Time
Its nap time for the children and you have a moment of peace and quiet. You would love to lay down next to them and catch some much needed zzz’s but because you don’t have a maid to do the household chores, you go back into the “Amazing Race” mode. You start picking up the trail of toys that your child brought out that day and before you know it, the baby monitor is calling! So there sits the pile of laundry, dishes, and dust that you swore to get done today! So if you feel like there is not enough time in the day to get all the household chores done, join the club!
Clue #8-Dinner Time
It is now 4 o’clock and your spouse will be arriving home from his “so-called” hard day at work (as if you have an easy day) and you conteplate if you should attempt to make dinner or order out. You check the cupboards and fridge and then blow the dust off of the recipe books that you received from your bridal shower. You decide on a recipe and prepare your meal. To your amazement, it comes out smelling good and looks very edible. (may take a few attempts) You have never been so proud of yourself! Is this has ever excited you, you may be qualified to be a REAL Desperate Housewife!
Clue #9-Hair and make-up
You finish cooking and pass by a mirror and just about scare yourself. By now, your hair is completely dry and all over the place and you have no make up on so the circles under your eyes (from being up half the night with the baby) are glowing like raccoon eyes! You quickly throw your hair back in a ponytail and slap some make up on so that you won’t scare your spouse. So if you have the “ponytail” look on an everyday basis lately…you may now join the REAL Desperate Wives Club!
Clue #10 Bedtime
It’s bedtime and the kids finally fell asleep. You decide to lay down because you are exhausted, and convince yourself that you will have time tomorrow to shower, go to the grocery store, get all the laundry, dishes, dusting, vacuuming and straightening done in between feeding the children, changing diapers, chasing them around the house, playing trucks or barbies, getting them to take their nap, and cooking dinner.
So if you can relate to any of the situations that I have mentioned (and these are just a few), you know what a REAL Desperate Housewife is.
