For years, “Stranger Danger” has been taught to our children. It’s been discussed in schools, churches, youth groups, and other forums. But how successful has it been? Does it really teach our kids what they need to know to be safe?
Stranger Danger teaches children that people they don’t know are strangers, and therefore, could pose a danger. While this is very true, teaching Stranger Danger simply doesn’t encompass the true lessons children need to learn. Ask a young child to describe to you a stranger, and you’ll get various answers, from a simple “someone I don’t know,” (which is a very good answer but not enough of an answer), to descriptions of an evil person who is hiding in the shadows or around the corner, ready to nab any child who crosses their path and do great harm to them. Yet think about this – serial killer Ted Bundy was neither ugly nor did he hide in the shadows. On the contrary, Bundy was very handsome, articulate, charming, very intelligent, social, and quite popular in the political arena. Doesn’t really fit the description found in Stranger Danger teachings, does it? Bundy’s last victim was 12-year-old Kimberly Leach, whose body he left in an abandoned pig sty. He’d picked her up while she was walking at her school.
When children are taught Stranger Danger, they are led to believe that only strangers will hurt them. Sadly, we know this isn’t true. The days of Stranger Danger are over, and the program should no longer be taught they way it is now.
Children need to know that anyone, absolutely anyone, who harms them is doing something wrong. Even if it’s an adult they’ve come to trust – hurting kids is never the right thing under any circumstances. However, children need to be taught in a way that strikes a good balance and doesn’t make them feel fearful of everything and everyone. While this may not be an easy task, it is doable.
Your child’s age will be a huge factor in teaching your child about how to stay safe. You can’t be with them 24/7, so there are skills they need to have when you aren’t with them. Talk to them about what to do if they get lost. Who can they turn to? Who can they ask for help? What if someone offers them a ride home? What are they to do if someone approaches them and tells them you’ve been in a horrific accident and you’ve sent them to give your child a ride to the hospital to be with you? What are they to do if someone they do trust harms them? How you discuss these things with your child will be largely based on their age and how much you believe they can understand. Only you will know this, as you know your child best.
One strong defense parents have these days are cell phones. While many parents, myself included, used to firmly believe cell phones for kids are a privilege to be earned and are only for children of a certain age, beliefs are changing. Even very young children have cell phones these days, and it’s a strong tool for your child if they ever find themselves in trouble. Fortunately, many cell phone companies now manufacture cell phones specifically for children, with strong parental controls. Kajeet is one of them, and it’s the cell phone I chose for my own daughter when she was six.
Kajeet cell phones are prepaid phones that give parents complete control over usage. They have a wide variety of phone to choose from, with a wide variety of functions. By going online, I control who can call and text my child, and who she can call and text. I can control what hours of the day the phone can be used, and if she can receive picture messages or send them. And calling 911 is always available to kids through Kajeet, regardless of parental controls. Another feature is the GPS system that you can subscribe to for Kajeet phones. If the phone is on, you can locate it anytime online. Kajeet is just one company who offers this service, I simply used it as an example because it’s what I’m familiar with. Your own provider may have something similar that will work for you.
While cell phones are great to have as a protection, nothing is going to be a stronger defense for your child than teaching them safety rules and giving them the tools they need that can help protect them.
Another task parents can do, albeit a very unpleasant one, is to have your child fingerprinted. The last thing we want to think about is the horrific and heartbreaking possibility that our child may one day have to be identified through fingerprints. However, parents of missing children who have received the worst news possible will tell you that the closure they have received by having their child identified has been much better than living a life of not knowing. Local police departments often offer this service.
Check out the Brickhouse Child Locator as well. A simple-to-use hand held device, the Brickhouse Locator lets you know when your child has wandered away from you by beeping and vibrating. It will provide you with directional guides that indicate which direction your child has gone, up to 600 feet away. You set your choice of “safety zones” on the Locator, allowing you to determine how far away from you your child can go until you consider it unsafe. Your child wears a key chain or wristband that will send a signal to the hand held device when they have wandered out of the safety zone. Each key chain and wristband also features a panic button that your child can push should they ever be in danger. Visit brickhousesecurity.com for more information.
Children know the world isn’t always safe. They pick up on much more than we think they do – they listen to people talk, they hear the news and listen to the radio. They hear children at school talk about what their own parents are saying. They know, and because they know, they need your reassurance that leading a cautious life does not mean living a life in fear. Teaching them that knowledge and education empowers them will also help reassure them that they do not need to live in fear, but can use the knowledge and education to protect themselves.
But Stranger Danger simply doesn’t cut it anymore, especially in a world where so many children are harmed by people they know. Parents are far too educated now to simply teach kids that strangers are the only ones who do harm. Pass that education down to your children. Reassure them that as their parent, you will do everything in your power to protect them and keep them safe, while letting them know that there are things they can do, too, to keep themselves safe. Even though we may have been raised that it was disrespectful to say “no” to an adult, we know now it’s okay to not only say “no” to a grown-up, but to shout it as loud as possible if need be.
It is sad that we live in a world that commands teaching our children that there are indeed bad people out there, people that do mean harm, that do hurt children. I will be the first one to stand up and say how much I’d love to shelter and protect my child from all of it, and how I wish she need not know anything about evil in the world. But we would be amiss as parents if we didn’t do all that we can to equip our children with the knowledge and power they need to stay safe, regardless of how much we wish we didn’t have to.
