When my daughter was born, my mother said to me, “I will take the future.” Smiling, I agreed with her– high IQs run mostly on both sides of my daughter’s family. While I love my daughter regardless of her talent, I clearly ordered her to be gifted.
“I hope it’s not too painful,” the mother added. Drunk with hormones after childbirth and in love with a new mom, I was stunned by my mother’s advice. How can one be too painful? How, especially, my child beauty is too smart?
Perhaps I should have heeded the good advice of my mother. As a mother of several gifted children, she learned first-hand about the special needs associated with a gifted child. Although I am proud of my daughter’s character, I now understand that – like a literate, bright, and phenomenally passionate toddler – parent of such a child, I can expect to face many challenges from parents.
When most people hear the word “Special needs child”, they think of children with severe disabilities, such as mental retardation, severe autism and paraplegia I will not insult parents of significantly disabled children by comparing my challenges to the daily fortune of caring for a child with severe mental or physical disabilities. However, I know that gifting my child places her in a unique special circumstances of need.
The biggest drawback is that children are gifted with the expectation that they excel in every aspect. Several significant others have commented that my child, who speaks in clear sentences and uses advanced vocabulary, is “pretty smart” to be potty trained. Not realizing that “pain” is only half the battle. Although brilliant, my toddler currently lacks the physical dexterity or emotional maturity to tackle potty-training. Being blessed with many children, many of his talents seem to come at the expense of other common arts.
Social problems have also plagued children. My daughter is finally getting over her anxiety because she can socialize “normally” with other children, but her interests differ significantly from other children her age. She would much rather read a book than watch a movie. She would rather stack the blocks neatly than toss them around. He wants to talk about endangered species instead of Barbie. I think it’s important to develop basic social skills to excel in all areas of life. and let him enjoy a happy childhood.
Children are blessed with special needs regarding their emotional health. In my youth I was formally known as “gifted” after my parents and teachers for years I struggled with episodes of anger, anxiety, sadness and anger have long preceded the time. I look at my daughter and see the same gestures echoing. I understand now that they are the result of the habitually fast-moving mind – varying from time to time from care to interest, anxiety to anxiety, emotion to emotion. Children tend to be hard to discipline because they struggle with the constant influx of strong emotions.
In academic settings, gifted children pose an added challenge. Many develop strong interests outside of school but may not thrive in an academic setting. Learning Disability like Asperger’s syndrome, ADHD and dysgraphia are more common in gifted children than in the general population. Parents and teachers may be judgmental about a gifted child who shows prodigious abilities in art or English, but fails miserably in mathematics.
If you are the parent of a gifted child, the universe has given you a mixed blessing. The most important thing to do is to accept your child as he is, with no specific expectations for his future academic, social or creative activities.
Moreover, I advise you to value your son for his kindness and compassion rather than his talents. There are thousands of gifted people in this world, but there are far fewer good people. As a parent, I consider my first goal to be raising a child who changes the world with kindness and love – not just intelligence.
