What are the best Mitch Hedberg quotes and jokes? Mitch Hedberg is one of the funniest and most profound people to ever live and his quotes and jokes are told and told. Here are, in my opinion, the best Mitch Hedberg quotes and jokes.
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER ONE
He is licked like a pancake with a syrup trap
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER SECOND
An escalator can never break: only stairs can. You should never see a temporary Escalator Out of Order sign, just a Temporary Stair Escalator. Comfortable pains
BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER 2
Every book is a child’s book if a child can read!
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER FOUR
Fettuccine alfredo macaroni and cheese for adults
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER FIVE
I bought a seven dollar pen because I keep losing pens and not taking care of the patient
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER SEX
I don’t have a girlfriend. But I know a woman who says I’m crazy.
BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER SEVEN
I know a lot about cars, man. I can look at the headlights of any car and tell you which way it should come.
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER EIGHT
I like refried beans. That’s why I want to try refried beans, because maybe they are just as good as wasting time. You don’t need to rub after all.
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER NINE
Sometimes I saw a thief lift a chest. It was so literal for me
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER TEN
I think foosball is a combination of soccer and shish kabobs.
BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER ELEVEN
I used to do drugs. I still do cosmetics. But I also used to
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER TWELVE
In this case I was thinking about my business, and he came up to me and said, “You’re going to move, you’re going to close the fire exit.” As if there was a fire, I was not going to run. If you are flammable and have feet, you will never be blocked from the fire exit.
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER THIRTY
I wish I could play a little league now. So better than before.
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER FOURTEEN
I am addicted to heroin. I need to sleep with women who have saved someone’s life.
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER FIFTEEN
I am reading, but I do not know how to show it.
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER SIXTEENTH
Is a hippopotamus a hippopotamus, or is it really a cool Opotamus?
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER SEVENTEEN
My plants died because I didn’t water them.
BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER 18
My friend asked me cold if I wanted a banana. I said ‘No, but I want a regular banana later, so…yeah.’
BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER 19
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I am, I will never be as good as the wall.
THE BEST MITCH HEDBERG QUOTES AND JOKES NUMBER TWENTY
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? catch fish and then leave. They don’t want to eat fish, they want to do something late.
sources
www.brainyquote.com
