Granted, having a doctor stick a camera up your butt doesn’t sound like much fun, but its really not as bad as you think its going to be. In fact, once its over, you’ll wonder what you were making such a big fuss over.
My doctor is young and idealistic. She is under the impression that everyone would want to know if there is something wrong with them. She’s just getting to know me, so she was sort of taken aback when she suggested to me that because I am 55 it is time for me to have a colonoscopy and I said no. She is young, but she is also pretty slick.
She said that as part of my routine pap test, she would be doing a rectal exam and if it turned up anything unusual I would have to go for a colonoscopy. I agreed. So, she did the rectal exam, smeared some of my fecal matter on a little square slide, held it up to the light and said, “Yep, you’re going for a colonoscopy because I might see blood on this.”
She didn’t fool me for a minute, but, as it turned out, it was a good thing she did put that down as the reason for the colonoscopy because my insurance would not have covered it had it been just a routine screening.
So, off to a pre-colonoscopy appointment I went. The doctor explained the procedure to me, much to my growing horror. He said the colon and intestine is cleaned out the night before and the day of the test, I would be sedated and he would then insert a small camera into my colon and “look around”. I stopped him and asked what he meant by “sedated” because I was under the impression that I would be knocked unconscious and sedated doesn’t necessarily mean unconscious. He informed me that the medicine that would be used would not put me completely out because they need the patient to be conscious enough to be able to follow directions and to move if need be. He said that most patients do not remember any of the procedure at all, some remember some of it and a few remember all of it.
The doctor explained that a colonoscopy is used to identify unusual growths inside the colon, called polyps. Should any polyps be found, they would be removed and sent away to be biopsied to make sure they were not the beginning of cancer. If I had been having any trouble or unusual change in bowel activity, the colonoscopy would let him see what was going on in there. He told me that since I would have flushed out my system, my colon would be flat and when he ran the scope through it, air would be blown in to inflate it so he could see. He said that the air would probably make me feel crampy and full of air, needing to pass gas. He said it is very important that, after the procedure, I just let the gas fly. How embarrassing!
The nurse explained the procedure for the night before the colonoscopy. She gave be a box containing a small bottle of liquid, 4 pills and an enema, with directions. The bottle of liquid and the pills had to be used in conjuncture with 64 ounces of a clear liquid to clean out my colon. In the morning before the colonoscopy, I was to use the Fleet enema. She told me that the night before is far worse than the actual procedure, but I didn’t believe her. I was sure I would be one of the people who were awake the whole time.
The next week, as per the instructions, I cleaned out my system. OH, MY!! That stuff is HORRIBLE. It made me gag and feel like throwing up, but I managed to get it all down and everything went as planned.
I had been instructed to bring someone along to drive me home because the sedative, they said, does not completely wear off for 24 hours. Also, they said, someone has to be there to hear what the doctor says after the procedure because the patient very rarely remembers it.
In Out-patients at the hospital, after I had put on the regulation hospital gown, the nurses did their thing, taking blood pressure, asking questions, prepping me. They also answered questions I had. How long will it take? (about 20 minutes) Can I have a drink? (no) What does the sedative feel like? (like going to sleep) If I’m supposed to leave farts, do they stink? (no, its just air with nothing to make it smell) Thank goodness. They told me that one strange side effect about the medicine I would be getting is that it usually gives the patient very short term memory. They said that when I woke up, I would probably be asking the same questions over and over.
Then it was off to the dreaded room for the colonoscopy. They wheeled me over and hooked up the IV. The nurses and doctor were chatting with each other as they went about their business. One nurse asked me my name, birthday and what was the doctor’s name who would be doing the test, all of which I answered. Then I looked at the clock on the wall, but it was sort of wavy and I couldn’t quite make out the time. Then someone shook my shoulder and said wake up and I did. It took me a moment to realize that I was back in the hospital room and the procedure was over! I couldn’t believe that, to my knowledge, I hadn’t even shut my eyes and it was done. Oh, the wonders of modern medicine!
The nurse left to get me a drink and I told my friend, who came with me, that I wondered when the doctor would be in to tell me if he found anything unusual. She said that the doctor had already been there, didn’t I remember? I had no memory of that whatsoever. She then told me that he had reported that everything is fine in there, no polyps or anything else suspicious and that I had asked him a bunch of questions and then seemed to forget I had already asked them and asked them again. I listened to everything she said and then I asked her when she thought the doctor would be in. She told me I already asked that, but repeated it again and this time I remembered it.
To this day, the only thing I have any memory of about the actual colonoscopy is something that seems more of a dream than a real memory. I remember that my stomach really hurt with gas pains and someone put a hand on my stomach and pushed. That’s all I remember.
The entire process, from the time I arrived at the hospital until I walked back out the door took less than 90 minutes.
Afterward, I wondered why I had put up such a fuss about having a colonoscopy. It wasn’t anything like the horror I imagined.
