This is an article about the seriously porn addicted male and what his addiction does for the self esteem of his wife or girlfriend. This is not about the man who occasionally sifts through a magazine in his friend’s bathroom or the man who goes to the strip club for his best friend’s bachelor party. We are talking about the man who is so obsessed with porn that he can’t live without it. The man who loves porn so much that even though it hurts his girlfriend to the core, he will not give it up. In other words, he loves his porn more than he loves his girlfriend. At least, that’s how she likely sees it. Actually, this article is more about the woman than the man. If your wife or girlfriend hates porn, it’s more about what your porn addiction is doing to her self esteem than it is about the porn itself.
The Myth
If you are addicted to porn, you may be telling yourself that all men do what you do. Yes, it is completely normal for men to be drawn in by their visual senses. It’s also natural for both men and women to masturbate. What isn’t normal is for a man to spend a large portion of his time obsessing about buying and using porn magazines, watching porn videos and frequenting strip clubs at the expense of his wife or girlfriend’s self esteem.
If you are addicted to this type of behavior, you will know it, because you can’t give it up no matter what it is doing to your relationship. Maybe you even want to give it up, but can’t. You may even find yourself doing things like substituting magazines or videos for strip clubs to keep yourself happy. Just like a recovering drug addict will substitute one habit for another. You are hooked, my friend and it’s having a devastating impact on your lover’s self esteem which may very well cost you that relationship.
The Competition
If your wife or girlfriend spent her day masturbating to porn and you came home expecting her attentions in the bedroom, how would you feel when she turned you down? Wouldn’t you then view porn as your competition? Wouldn’t you be angry if this were a daily occurrence? Wouldn’t it be a great blow to your self image? Wouldn’t you feel as if porn was becoming your competition?
When your porn addiction is so bad that it’s impacting your sex life, this is exactly what goes on in the mind of your wife or girlfriend. She feels that she isn’t good enough for you and that the women in the magazine, video or strip club are what you prefer. In other words, she begins to hate her body and feel she is inadequate in the bedroom. Her self esteem decreases on a daily basis.
The Daily Grind
Chances are, if you have a porn addiction, your wife or girlfriend is well aware of it. She has seen the magazines in the closet, the ones in your car and the receipts from the strip clubs. She knows how your work breaks are spent. She knows you spent more on porn and strippers last Christmas than you did on her. That kind of thing hurts a woman deep in her heart and soul. It makes her feel unattractive and causes her self esteem to fly out the window.
When you leave for work in the morning she may spend the day wondering what you are up to. It may effect her job as well as her self esteem. You are everything to her and now she sees that she means nothing to you. That may not be true, but in her mind, since you are seeking out other women on a daily basis, whether real or on paper, this is the reality in her mind. You do not feel the same way about her that you once did and this cuts like a knife through her heart. She wants to be your one and only, just like you are her one and only.
Insecurity
A sense of security in a relationship is very important to a woman. In addition to damaging a woman’s self esteem, male porn addiction takes all sense of security away. In the mind of your wife or girlfriend, porn addiction is cheating. You are fantasizing about someone else on a daily basis, while masturbating. As the male porn addiction increases, it’s only natural that it would be taken to the next level. First magazines, then videos, maybe if your girl is obliging you will actually watch videos of other women while having sex with her. Next come strip clubs and lap dances, where you have actual contact with other women. Once again, we are not talking about the average man who likes porn here but the porn addicted male.
Before you know it, your addiction will eventually lead you to another woman’s bed. It isn’t that you ever intended for this to happen, or that you’re a bad person, it’s just the natural progression of your porn addiction. Your wife or girlfriend knows that your porn addiction is like a gateway drug to things that will damage your relationship permanently. She loves you and doesn’t want to lose you. You can try to reassure her, but she knows the facts and statistics and she is no fool.
You are Hurting Yourself
Many men don’t realize that their porn addiction hurts them as well as their wife or girlfriend. Your girl knows about your porn addiction, whether you think so or not. This makes her feel inadequate in the bedroom which leads to a lack of self esteem and self confidence. When a woman is suffering from low self esteem, her performance in the bedroom also suffers. To put it bluntly, she’s just not all that into it. That makes your sex life boring, which adds to the problem.
All she can think about when you are together is that she isn’t good enough for you. After all, you prefer the company of your own hand and a girly magazine. She can’t compete with the air brushed beauties and under age strippers. In fact, she doesn’t even want to. It sickens her to think of the ugliness of your porn addiction and how beautiful your relationship once was. It saddens her. Maybe she can’t even have an orgasm any more. She’s just not that excited about being with someone with a porn addiction. It makes her feel dirty, unloved and definitely not all that special. She’s just one of many of your fantasies. Your sex life with your wife or girlfriend is suffering due to your porn addiction.
Trust Issues
Trust is a key element in a good relationship. What does this have to do with male porn addiction? If your wife or girlfriend can’t even trust you to resist the temptation of buying a girlie magazine, why would she trust you with anything else? Your porn addiction may lead her to question what other skeletons you have hiding in your closet. You have set up a precedent with your porn addiction. Don’t blame your wife or girlfriend if they don’t trust you now. This is your addiction, not theirs.
It’s only natural to base the level of trust you have with your partner on past experience. When you have a porn addiction, your wife or girlfriend may begin to mistrust you in other areas. Her confidence in you has been shaken. You are not the man she thought. What else has she been wrong about? Can she trust you at all? By indulging in porn, you have brought a level of uncertainty to your relationship. Your wife or girlfriend is not just suffering low self esteem, they no longer trust you.
Jealousy
Many men with porn addictions mistakenly assume their girlfriend is simply jealous. While this may be true to some extent, it isn’t the worst thing as far as your wife and girlfriend is concerned. Women are very analytical creatures. They can see the circle of low self esteem created by the porn industry. It all starts with the women who are willing to sell themselves for money. Whether it be a stripper, porn actress or just a centerfold poser, these women are turning the beautiful nude female image into something ugly.
Your wife or girlfriend hates porn because for her, it represents everything she fights against on a daily basis. Women want to be respected for more than a great body, even if they have a great body. They want to know they are special. They want to know that their relationship is secure and safe. They want to be loved and cherished. They want to be your one and only. It isn’t just about you being unfaithful, it’s about your wife or girlfriend’s self esteem. Show some respect for your wife or girlfriend and for yourself. Do something about your porn addiction today. Your relationship depends on it.
Sources:
http://allpsych.com/journal/sexaddiction.html
http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id;=12660
http://www.sanjosecounseling.com/sex-addiction.htm
http://www.blazinggrace.org/healingforwives.htm
