Do you love a funny story? Is there a short story that makes your day tickle your funny mouth? Everyone needs a little humor in life, and this especially true-well, sorta true and funny story comes to mind whenever we talk about customer service representative
Complimentary Pack of prune, juice (Funny Story that could almost be true)
Not long ago I sent an email to a large corporation about a problem I was having with them. I would like to tell you the name of the company, but this is required to get the pants from me. When that happens, nothing has awakened my momma’s fancy. (After the last sentence, it’s obvious I didn’t grow up where they even spoke decent English. *big wave* to all my relatives in the town of TwoSheepAndADeadRooster, Oklahoma!
But I digress. Just so you know, I’ve included my correspondence below.
“Dear BigNastyBusinessWhoDoesn’tGiveADang,
On January 5, I ordered to write a book. You responded quickly with a note that you would be sailing within two days. Two weeks later I checked the site and it said it would ship at the end of February. Now it’s May, and your site says you ship in December. I don’t like this. What recommendations should I make?
Cindy Lynn, Humble Customer”
*****
To their credit the company sent a hasty reply.
“My dear!
Thanks y0u for some complaints. We are sorry about your problems here. We have also noticed that you can return, but allow 18 years for money guarantee to get back– If you don’t like that, let them advise you give a book as a Kwanzaa or Christmas gift.
Mr. L. SKWEE, V.P. from BigNastyBusinessWhoDoesn’tGiveADang”
*****
Is the guy who wrote this email the vice president? My razor-sharp brain told me the cosmic balance was out of whack if I was just a writer and he was a corporate executive. Gilded things in my brain. Finally, when I couldn’t take it any longer, I sent another email. I wouldn’t have done it, but I was a little sarcastic.
A pure but fun sarcastic.
“Dear Mr. Skwee,
I was disappointed. A man en yere position should Shirley no how to spell and rite. What skool did you graduate from? For my order, I immediately return the wood, as well as my money.
Cindy Lynn, Irritated Customer
*****
Two hours later I received a reply. Excitement abounded, surely the sarcasm was doing the trick and now they were taking my complaint seriously. Here is what he said;
“Dear Customer: This response is automated. Due to a large number of grammatical-errors in your letter “English as a second language”< /a> and we email at a later date.
Hello, Automated response program
D.L. Skwee, Vice President of BigNastyBusinessWho Doesn’tGiveADang
PS: Happy Hanukkah in advance.
*****
I am working on writing. By checking both sentences, I am looking for grammar and content mistakes in the hope of correcting them and thus persuading the editor to read. my first past conviction. Yes, ask. In all this writing experience and attention to finer details—such as spelling and punctuation, which seem trivial to Mr. Skwee—that come from V.P. and I am not?
I will do it; There are two truisms of mortality;
1. Life is not fair.
2. I’m not gonna get better.
As I was told by V.P. and they keep writing. Until the day comes that I’m rich and famous, I’ll just have more fun with the little .
Oh, and about money, which brings me back to the book I ordered. I’m not going to wait eighteen years to get my money back. I decided to give a book as a gift. After all, I’m sure my Jewish mother-in-law would love to receive “Free Upfront Rewards by Writing About Buddhism in Affiliate Content” as a Christmas present.
I’ll either think of it or throw out the juice.
(Disclaimer: Some of you are sure to ask for some literary license to be admitted. I wasn’t actually in TwoSheepAndADeadRooster, Oklahoma, but I think I passed there once. At least it smelled like me.
