The thing about social phobia is that it is not as bad as it sounds. Social phobia, you must realize, can be treated very effectively! How can you begin the steps to freedom so that you can be less anxious and join the social settings that make up our wonderful world of people?
ADDRESS THE PHYSICAL
When you are about to join a social situation, or even before you actually join it, you probably notice physical symptoms of your “phobia”. You may notice that your hands shake, or maybe your heart is pounding in your chest. Maybe your stomach aches, or you suddenly feel that you need to run to the bathroom because of intestinal upset. Maybe other people can even see the symptoms because perhaps your face reddens or your mouth is so dry you can barely speak.
But here is one thing to think about: When you are constantly focused on what other people may notice about your phobia, when you are thinking ‘I know they can see my hands shaking!’ Or ‘They’re going to laugh at my stammering and stumbling’, you are not helping yourself! Dwelling on your symptoms and what everyone around you thinks of them only makes your situation worse. Your symptoms, you may find, actually begin before you ever reach your social situation simply because you are in expectation of what others may think of your physical symptoms!
What to do? For one, pay attention to your breathing, where much of the anxiety comes from. Begin now to breath slowly, and from your diaphragm.
Secondly, a good routine of physical exercise can help tremendously. And this means that you may actually have to change your lifestyle, perhaps if you are more sedentary and an office worker. It may be that you must take time out specifically for a light jog or other physical activity. And don’t forget to allow time for your muscles before and after – both to stretch them out (promote oxygen production) and to allow them time to rest.
Third, get enough rest every night. Without it, your body will be out of whack and not know how to deal with any situation, kind of like a drug addict.
Fourth, eat balanced and regular meals. Do not replace a meal with a cup of coffee, and do not eat at irregular times. Speaking of coffee (and sodas), it may be useful to cut them out of your diet completely because the caffeine they contain can actually affect your nervous system, making your symptoms even worse.
Last but not least, be patient with yourself. You will not be a social butterfly overnight. Rather, with regular and consistent healthy behavior, you can begin to see yourself spreading your wings finally!
CORRECT YOUR THINKING
What thoughts are fueling your behavior to begin with? Ask yourself this question so that you can get to the root of the problem. Many doctors believe that the main fuel to the fire of a social phobia is the fear of dissaproval. Yes, the person suffering from the phobia rarely feels as though he “fits in” and this causes him to withdraw.
So this calls for you to change your thinking. Even if you don’t “fit in” as you say, who really cares? Think about it. Even if you were the only one there who said or did something contrary to that gathering, is that right for people to dissaprove of you? No! In fact, the truth is that everyone at that social situation has a different opinion, and you are not the only one. Differences in opinions, backgrounds, etc. is what makes any social situation a really beautiful one. For instance, whenever I invite a group to my home I always make sure to invite a variety of people to make the gathering really enjoying and stimulating!
Rejection hurts, yes, but it is only a problem if you make it one. You really need to view yourself in a realistic way. You are not perfect, and neither is anyone around you. If you have a humble attitude about yourself, you will actually begin to laugh at your own faults and shortcomings and enjoy being with others who may or may not have the same ones!
It’s time to confront your fears. Stop avoiding social situations, because you’re only backing yourself into a corner. Chances are, the more you experience a variety of situations, the better you will become and dealing with them. How do you think all those other social butterflies got to where they are? It may be that your parents did not give you the social experience you need . . . and so you must begin now!
It may be that you actually have to force yourself into those various social situations that arise. If you mess up and back out one or two times, do not be dismayed. Try again next time.
Yes, finding joy and contentment in social situations is a learned thing. Some gained the experience early, and some have to gain it on their own now. So go ahead, we’re all cheering you on!
