We’ve all seen it. A crying toddler clings to his mother’s leg as if clinging to his mother’s leg, determined not to let his mother out of his sight. Meanwhile, the teacher, the bird, or the sitter stands by, desperately trying to soothe the little Cling-On, making noise with the toys, promising Ice Cream to dinner and visions “what fun we’re going to have.” Therefore the mother makes one of the two. He stops, gathers the little one in his arms, and sews and tightens it, soothes it, and thus gives it all. You can already see the wheels turning (“Okay, I’ll call Janice and just reschedule lunch sometime next week. She’ll know.”). Or, blushing with embarrassment, he carefully makes a predicament, pulls out his leg for the little one and runs away as fast as he can, determined to be as far away as possible.
So what is the reaction of one? Neither.
By going in and staying with your little one, you are inadvertently teaching her to scream and throw tantrums until she gets what she wants. In this case, stay mum.
By beating the retreat, you make temporary separations seem like desertion in your toddler’s eyes. This only increases the panic and panic every time you need to distance yourself.
Well, you know everything, you say, what do I want to do? How do you handle a situation when banana is now all over your silk pants, you sleep for three hours, you brew one cup of coffee, and you’re not even sure you remembered to wash the shampoo out of your hair in the shower this morning? Teach us, O light.
Well, don’t take this as a joke, but I want to. (By the way, I haven’t worn deodorant in over 24 hours, and I believe I might even have half a pancake in my hair. I just wanted to share so you know we’re really on the same page here.) 🙂
The best way to handle these necessary separations involves a few basic steps.
– Prepare the needs ahead of time. Remind them the night before, in the morning itself and the way in the car. Mom has to go meet someone, but you’re going to have time with Grams and Poppy today, and you guys are going to do everything very clean!” Or “Grandma and Grandpa Here’s the Goats (well, this can’t do anything for you, but my family understands what I mean) you They’re going to the zoo this afternoon, won’t that be fun?
– Do a favor quickly. When you arrive at your destination, carry your child if possible. Then give your child a seat (you can do this in the living room too); or attach your child with other kids who are already involved with toys or something interesting. You tell your child, well, when you were a mother or father, now you’re going to stay with Grandma, or here in the morning and play with these kids.
– Give the boy a kiss, say something upbeat. “See you later!”, “Leave before you know!”, and get out. Don’t stand around. and to discuss something with the teacher (if this is necessary, ask the teacher to walk outside your room – out of sight of your little one – or make it suitable when you return at the end of the day). Don’t catch up with Grams unless you do it over the phone or later when you’re together. This quick, definitive action teaches your child. First, that this is done, and there is no advantage in it being disturbed. Then, that which is separated has no importance. It should be said neither.
Let them also know that we all have good days and bad days. There will be days when you walk out of the closet to the sound of your precious, adorable little boy crying out in a violent rage of protest. And that sound will tear your heart with a serrated blade, and a rusty fork will tear your stomach into pieces. You may well approach your car and find yourself beating the steering wheel mercilessly and the valley around your ear. And well it is natural for them to feel the same about being separated from you, as it is natural for them to feel the same about being separated from you.
Just remember that you are working on yourself to help your children develop independence and self-confidence. Your child is just an extension of you no longer. They are unique in their own way, and need a chance to be understood.
And by giving them the opportunity to buy a padded steering wheel cover or reapplying to mascara as much as necessary.
