“Tony’s painful childhood memories can be quelled only through pills. Vanessa has a secret that keeps her coming back to the blade. And Conner seems to have the perfect life on the outside, but his inward battle with his parents, his peers, and himself give him one last choice-to pull the trigger.”
Impulse by Ellen Hopkins deals with three kids who “have a wish for death.” The story is located in a psychiatric hospital called Aspen Springs. The three kids are suffering from depression and have all attempted suicide. Vanessa has manic depression and bipolar disorder. Her mother was also manic depressed and sometimes was schizophrenic. Her mother abused both Vanessa and her little bother since they were young. Vanessa’s mother had an “Angel” that made her do bad things, like throw her little brother in scolding hot water and scrub his skin to get rid of any sin because “we are born into the world with sin and we have to be cleansed. One day, Vanessa came home to find her mother lying on the kitchen floor. There was an empty bottle of Valium lying next to her. Vanessa said she looked like she was in a world of so much peace; she knew she should have called 911, but instead just walked back out the door. Vanessa also had an abortion, something she didn’t want to do, which “keeps her coming back to the blade.” She loves to cut herself and one day cuts too deep. Tony is gay and lived on the streets except for when he was in a detention center. His mother’s boy friends raped and abused him all his life until he finally went out onto the streets. His dad walked out of them when he was little; but has now stepped up and is paying for Tony’s stay at Aspen springs and visits him regularly. Although he is gay, by the middle of the book he has fallen in love with Vanessa. He purposely overdosed on pills and alcohol, and that’s what landed him at Aspen Springs. Conner is an upper class kid whose parents are “cold hearted” and want nothing less then perfection. He and a teacher, Emily, had had an affair and Conner fell in love with her. When she ended it, it was just too much for Conner to handle. Instead of the head, he opted to shoot himself in the chest with a 22. Conner also finds comfort with Vanessa and wonders that if he can, too, love her. He makes friends with the “gay kid” which is something he’d never do back at school.
This is my favorite novel because Ellen Hopkins creates such distinctive voices for each character. I feel like in a way, I can know them on a personal level. Suicide is something both teens and adults struggle with everyday and she captures the way they think and act so perfectly, I think. This book helps people see that they aren’t alone and that there is life after attempted suicide; that you could live a normal life. I think it also helps show people that there is help; especially for people who most feel like they have no one to talk to or no where else to turn.
