In this day and age, all one has to do is simply go to a search engine and do the research on their computer. My cause in the matter was to become a preacher. In no way is this opinion column to be despised. And certainly I say that there is no offense to the profession of the Church.
So read in and learn what I learned with the click of my mouse.
So what should you advise a preacher? Well, look no further. The orders of the ministry were committed. But I had a different calling than most ministers. You see it was not the voice of God calling me. It’s my bed. ….. I should have guessed better from the start;
I have a “page” on my internet service called `CRaYON’. Signed for “Create Your Own Blog”. In it, I have 8 online newspapers around America and one from Scotland. I like to read what is going on in this country of ours. In “CRaYON”, I also have a search where I can submit anything. For example, I could type “Airbag” and hit the search button to locate something that was printed in one of my journals about airbags.
Of course, I heard about the New World Church, which is very troubled. Officials were speaking out against it, but not as much as the IRS. It seems that the people of the “universal” life were more connected to the Church, so that they could claim certain freedoms with tax money. Churches are Tax exempt and these types of Churches issue leaflets to organize someone who has made a modest donation. Ah, the catch.
I thought I’d check out this “Universal Life” search page on “CRAYON”. I found the State of Tennessee filing charges against the “Church” and the article that people were contacting state officials to see if marriages performed by these “ministers” were legal.
I did some research which led me to the “ULC” Web Page and there in plain English how to become an ordained minister right on the internet…..for free! Well heck, I’ve always been surprised that I felt like I was being ordered so I pushed the button. In about 15 seconds I received a very beautiful testimony from Bishop Kirby J Hensley, President of Universal Life. I am organized!
Oh my goodness, what have I gotten into? They emailed me a list of Degrees, I was able to get it too… by sending a donation. For only $100, I could get a Phd in Religion. Or for $200, I could get a “common law Law, which would allow me to represent people in court. . Of course they also note that little, “Could you have some business with the judges in the judgment. I wish if I called myself a minister, every true minister would pursue me in the street, throwing rocks at me.”
What to do??? All the sinful dogs in the city, I think I can claim my flock. I can marry off all those fleas who are “Ding” to each other, and that way all those puppies could draw Daddyless Pup support and relieve the financial burden of their owners. I can marry dogs and even birds and hamsters. I
they could also perform funerals for cats, blessings in hippuri, and also in the design of donkeys, which “spit on lovers”.
One thing, however, not from Emu … I still have the pride to hear confessions.
