Will you marry me is a question that will dramatically alter a person’s life, especially a woman’s life. In the past, women in Mexico were basically forced into the union of marriage, whether it was an arranged marriage between families or a white colonist taking a Mexican girl for his bride. During this time, women in Mexico did not have their own legal identity once they were married. Since then the marriage laws have modernized; they are now very similar to those of the United States. Women now have the power to make decisions of whom to marry, when to marry, and why to marry. In addition to having freedom in the choice of marriage, Mexican women today also have choices in which marriage customs they follow in their marriage ceremony and in married life. Sadly, a married woman in the Mexican culture loses her independence when she decides to enter the blissful state of matrimony. Her role is now to be seen but not heard. She is the entertainer of her husband’s guests, the cook for the family, the caretaker of the children, and the loving wife. However, the American wife chooses the type of wife she wants to be, whether she wants to be a housewife or a career woman. The American wife has the freedom to choose. Today Mexico’s marriage laws are virtually identical to those in the United States; however, there are still significant differences in marriage customs and married life between two countries.
In order for a marriage between two people to be complete, the legal and judiciary institutions of the culture must be involved. Marriage has evolved in most cultures from ancient ways to more modern and efficient ways. This is evident in the marriage laws of Mexico. In the past of the rich history of the nation marriage was seen as a prison to women because they were forced into the union by either arranged marriages or a white male colonist taking a young Mexican women as his bride. Now with the modernization of the country and its people the marriage laws have developed. The marriage laws of present day Mexico are now very comparable to those of the United States.
The role of arranged marriages in Mexico began as early as the late 1700s. In many Mexican and Spanish cultures the Crown of England played a large part in regulating marriage. For example, the Montepios were a people who followed the rule of the Crown. These institutions were placed there to “approve or disapprove of its servants’ marriages” (Chandler 34). The rule of the Crown impacted the lives of the elite more than it did the peasants of the village, however, the marriage laws still applied. The objective of this was to ensure “limpieza de sangre” or purity of blood (Chandler 34). The desired effect was not to taint the nobility by permitting them to join with the lower classes. To do this ministers and other high ranking officials were allowed to marry only women from families of unquestioned nobility, while the lesser men, such as tobacco retailers or local collectors, were allowed to marry any woman who held equal or lesser standards as he. Because of these regulations regarding marriage, the “Mexican ministerial monte had no formal procedure for validating marriages” (Chandler 38). The approval for marriage did not come in the form of a license, but by the spoken word or written consent of either the king or the viceroy. The official would send word of the pending marriage and the king or viceroy would travel or reply by written document and demonstrate his approval. With this spoken consent the two people were free to join together in the union of marriage (Chandler 38).
Arranged marriages were oftentimes used separately or combined with another old marriage law in Mexico. Not only were marriages in Mexican cultures regulated by the government, but also by the patriarchal family leader, the father. When the Anglos moved west to the uncharted territory of the newly found frontier in the United States, many men found more than just new land. They found new brides. The Mexican families that had moved north from Mexico or the white colonists who were migrating into the northern parts of the country were subject to this. Mexican women “considered fair skin to be a feature of beauty as well as a sign of class” (Craver 12). Since parents “had a great deal of authority in the matter of arranging marriages” they looked very closely at the fair- skinned Anglos (Craver 14). Parents of Mexican girls “permitted…even promoted” the intermarriage of their young daughters to the los americanos. It was obvious, then, that physical attraction meant very little in picking a mate in the lives of young Mexican women (Craver 15). Because the Mexican culture allowed for movement up the social ladder by acquiring material possessions, the marriage between the daughter and an Anglo could greatly benefit the family. Two prominent reasons were “economic advantage and the promise of social upgrading” (Craver 17). For these reasons, in most families with Mexican and Anglo origins, the women were of somewhat lower social status (Craver 17). The man would get a young wife capable of giving him want he desired, whether it be a housekeeper, a mother for his children, or in some cases cheap labor. The girl’s family, in return, got wealth and a new rise in their position on the social ladder. As times have changed, Mexico has become more modern. Its neighbor to the north, the United States, has influenced it in many ways, one of which is its marriage laws.
As early as 1635, the first settlers of the New World were using licenses for the purpose of making marriage legal (Richmond 23). Since law bound marriage the habitants found it necessary to have specific marriage laws. One of which was requiring a license. It did take awhile, however, for all states to adopt this process. As late as 1887, some states had not made it imperative for couples to acquire a license before they were legally allowed to be married (Richmond 41). As marriage in the United States evolved, so did the laws that followed it. Many basic principles apply to marriages that are still widely used today, but specifically in the United States. These include being “free from any other previous marriage bonds,” fulfilling legal age requirements, parental consent for any parties under the legal age, “parties should be free from close blood relationship,” and both parties should be mentally fit to enter into a marriage and take on the responsibilities therein (Das 78-80). These factors have become widespread in the world of marriage. Recently in the United States, with the insurgence of sexually transmitted diseases and AIDS, couples are required to take blood tests and also go to classes pertaining to these very topics.
Although some of the laws in which citizens of the United States follow regarding marriage are not the same in all countries, Mexico does follow them very closely. A marriage license is required, age requirements must be met and notice must be given to the parties involved. As times change, a culture and a people change as well. Mexico has adapted to meet some of the regulations set by the United States. Modernization has helped to advance the country, but has also advanced its laws. The marriage laws of Mexico are now nearly identical to those of the United States.
Even though Mexican marriage laws are similar to those in United States, there are still considerable differences in the marriage customs of the two countries. While Mexican marriage customs have become considerably more liberal in the 20th century, they are still significantly more traditional than modern marriage customs in the United States. Although progress has been made in Mexico, some Mexican men still have control over whom their daughters date and marry, families are still traditionally patriarchal, and women still take care of domestic obligations.
Although a father’s control over who his daughter marries has diminished in urban families, “campesina and ranchera girls … may only meet boys during the paseo around the plaza on Sunday evenings, usually under the watchful eye of family members seated on the white iron benches” (Gonzalez 1). Once the boy starts courting the young girl, “a father has the power to deny or give his blessing to the novio who wishes to keep company with his daughter” (Gonzalez 1). Even if the father doesn’t live with his daughter, he can still have a lot of influence on his daughter’s destiny (Gonzalez 1).
Once the young couple falls in love and decides to get married, they traditionally seek the blessing of the woman’s father. “If a young couple don’t [sic] succeed in getting their parents’ permission to marry, the boy may steal the girl, frequently with her help. …After they have spent the night, the parents have to give permission to save their honor. If the bride is stolen without the groom asking her father’s permission to marry, the father is not obligated to help them financially or otherwise” (Gonzalez 1).
If an unwed Mexican woman becomes pregnant, there are dire consequences not only for the daughter but also for the entire family, especially the father. According to Gonzalez:
If a girl gets pregnant out of wedlock, the father’s honor as well as the girl’s is at stake. If her family can’t arrange a marriage and come up with the money to pay for it immediately, then she can’t go anywhere alone. In many pueblos, like San Juan Cosala in Jalisco, priests marry many couples in a single ceremony held once a year for those who can’t pay to marry. Only in Mezcala, birthplace of the Revolutionary hero Santana, are weddings free. (1)
In addition to some Mexican men, typically campesino and ranchero men, still having control over their daughters lives by giving their blessings to the man in their life, whether boyfriend or husband, the Mexican family is still typically patriarchal. Owing to varying conditions in different social strata, such as poor access to education, an authoritarian work environment, and fewer options, families who live in rural areas or are of a lower social class tend to be more rigidly patriarchal than middle and upper class families” (Winkler 152). The rigidly patriarchal family tends to devalue women in the family. This devaluation leads to societal problems such as spousal abuse and a dehumanization of women. As a result, these problems have been dealt with in modern Mexicana literature. In the story “The Tree” by Elena Garro, an old Indian woman named Louisa desperately seeks help from a Mexican woman named Marta after her husband Julian beats her badly. Marta tells Louisa that she must have deserved it since Julian was a good man. Marta’s maid Gabrina stated once that, ” �A bitch of a woman is a good man’s lot’ ” (Garro 71). Later, Louisa tells Marta about her first husband. After Louisa gave birth to their first child, her returned her to her parents because she was bloated. These stories illustrate that, in the past, women were little valued in marriage. Women were commonly abused by their husbands and seen as sex objects. (70 – 72)
Within the traditionally patriarchal Mexican family, women tend to be pressured to take on a more traditional family role, includes taking care of the home. In many cases, Mexican women are encouraged to stay home to deal with domestic affairs and assume the traditional role of the passive female (Winkler 153). However, many Mexicanas today are challenging these traditional roles by trying to “liberate themselves from traditional familial control and expectations” (Winkler 154 – 155). Even though many Mexicanas are now challenging their traditional roles, they still predominately handle the affairs of the family. In the selection of the story “Family Ties” by Clarice Lispector, Catherine’s mother states, “Whoever marries off a son, loses a son, but whoever marries off a daughter gains a son” (100). This statement reflects the Mexican tradition of women often taking the initiative to maintain family relationships in a marriage.
While Mexican marriage laws are virtually identical to those in the United States, marriage customs in Mexico have not kept pace with the substantial social change that has led to the modernization of marriage customs in the United States in recent years. Today, in some aspects of Mexican culture, men still have a lot of control over women when it comes to marriage customs. In particular, some fathers have almost exclusive control over whom their daughters date and marry. This is a direct result of the traditional patriarchal family, which continues to shape Mexican women’s concepts of marriage, sexuality, religion, etc. (Winkler 151). Even though Mexican women tend not to have as much power in Mexican society as men, they tend to wield tremendous power in the home due to the fact that they are responsible for the issues relating to the family (Winkler 153). Despite the fact that marriage customs and married life still differ between the United States and Mexico, as of late both marriage customs and married life have been modernizing to give women more choices in marriage.
When the marriage role of a Mexican woman is compared to the role of the American woman, we will find many differences in today’s society, but find many similarities when we discuss the roles of the past. Even though women have always been known as the weaker sex throughout history, American women have found a way to overcome the barriers that have been set before them. Since early times women have been uniquely viewed as a creative source of human life. Historically, however they have been considered intellectually inferior to men. Throughout most of history women generally have had fewer legal rights and career opportunities than men. Wifehood and motherhood were regarded as woman’s most significant professions. Thomas Aquinas, the 13th-century Christian theologian, said that woman was “created to be man’s helpmeet, but her unique role is in conception . . . since for other purposes men would better be assisted by other men.” Maternity, the natural biological role of women, has traditionally been regarded as their major social role. The resulting stereotype that “a woman’s place is in the home” has largely determined the ways in which women have expressed themselves. What is surprising is that both Mexican and American women once lived under the restrain of men, but in many cases, Mexican women still do. Their role in a marriage often reflects the image of the traditional wife. In today’s society, American women have broken the mold for what was said to be the traditional role of a wife. American women have created their own vision of a wife with the their husband. No woman is told to behave a certain way by anyone except her. The lifestyle of the American woman in a marriage has many similarities yet drastic differences from the lifestyle of the Mexican woman.
The Mexican wife has a distinct role in her marriage that she is suppose to fulfill. Any deviance from this role will result in a disciplinary measure from her husband as if she were a child. The Mexican family reflects a patriarchy where the man is the head of the household and makes all of the decisions; especially where his wife is concerned. The man of the household has the right to tell his wife what, how, when, and where she is suppose to do the task that he has assigned for her. “The masculine ideal among the family is to be in control, the traditional feminine ideal is to be controlled, to be loyal and to be pure” (Lomintz 212). A woman has no control over her own life; unfortunately, in some aspects of Mexican society, the wife is merely an extension of her husband and nothing more. Her duties consist of cooking, cleaning, entertaining, and most importantly, raising her children. Since “the central value of femininity is certainly motherhood”, a woman is expected to devote her best efforts to the care of children. Her duties consist of breast-feeding the babies, changing their diapers, getting up every night if they cry, and (later on) select their school, pick them up after school everyday, assist them with their homework, and teach them the basic’s of religion. All of her child rearing duties on top of her wifely duties which consist of entertaining all guest that come to her house; taking care of all social arrangements, such as birthday parties; being a good cook and gracious host; remaining out of all economic matters; and being very aware of the company that she keeps. Her business is to take care of her family, not meddle in worthless gossip. Due to the woman’s tremendous duties and responsibilities, she has no time for a job. “A working wife is highly discouraged in the Mexican culture” (Lomintz 190). Not only is working discouraged for traditional reasons, but also it is viewed as being impractical. If she truly cares for the upkeep of her family, then she would not have any interest in working outside the home” (Lomintz 190). All work other than the family only consists of helping to run the family business, if one exists. She does not have direct access to the business, but she is to assist her husband as he sees necessary. Furthermore, a good wife must accept the intellectual and economic superiority of her husband and subordinate her own interest and taste to those of her husband, which often extend to personal matters such as her style of dress. She must be ready to accept and enforce the family ideology in every aspect including the “socialization of her daughters in the feminine ideal” (Lomintz 214). Regrettably, a Mexican woman’s role has not change much over the course of time. Today woman are more susceptible to work due to the growing economy. Other than the need to work, Mexican women still adhere to the traditional roles of a wife and mother.
In early colonial and Puritanical times, the role of the wife was very similar to the traditional Mexican wife’s role. Lines of authority and submission were clearly drawn within the family. The man of the house had all of the power, and the “basic prerequisite for a happy home (was) wifely obedience” (Woloch 5). John Winthrop, a Massachusetts Bay governor, explained in 1645 ” �a true wife accounts her subjection [as] her honor and freedom, and would not think her condition safe and free, but in subjection to her husband’s authority’ ” (Woloch 5). As described in the Mexican culture, in early times, women had no voice. The husband and the wife were one, usually in the form of the husband. The role of the wife is to be a part of the home and the family. Within the stratification system of the household, it was not unusual for the man to sustain complete control over his wife, his children, his finances, all family decisions, and the religious structure of the home. With that in mind, Benjamin Wadsworth felt that ” �her [the wife’s] obligation was to keep at home, educate her children, and be obedient’ ” (Woloch 7). Even though her role was to be subordinate, she was not viewed as child or servant, but simply a “junior partner with partial control over children and servants”(Woloch 7). In short, “mothers had more responsibilities but father had more authority” (Woloch 7). In addition to her traditional task of housewifery, a woman also contributed her time to the family enterprise. Through the knowledge that she obtained while shadowing her husband, “in his absence, historian Laurel Thatcher Ulrich points out, the wife [was] expected to take over his position as household head and defender of family interest. Hiring hands, keeping accounts, or managing a farm, the spouse of an absentee husband assumed full authority as his surrogate” (Woloch 7).
Now a social glacier roars. After centuries of submission and subordination, women around the world are achieving critical mass. Until just a few years ago, women who dreamed of an independent and fulfilling future thought they had to separate themselves from men. Today, many women choose the type of wife they want to be based on the type of husband they have and what they believe. Society does not set the stage for what a marriage should look like. American women, especially, have become strong individuals. Where they were once discouraged from working and receiving an education or not allowed to work at all, today women have “obtained 19 percent of all undergraduate college degrees”, with the figuring increasing to a “sharp 49 percent in 1984” (Collins 1991). The new American woman no longer conforms to the traditional role of a wife. She now creates her own role. Women once had no faith in their own abilities because there was always a man telling them that they could not do. Now they hold the confidence to excel in any venture of life that they choose, whether it is to stay at home with their children by choice, or have a challenging career that takes up all their time. Even if a woman wanted to simply enjoy life by “tossing down one last cocktail, cutting her hair, or travel the world” (Collins 1991). The woman of the past has passed down her strength for the woman of the next millennium to strive for all that she wants out of life so that she is not weighted down by the thought of “the sinking ship of future matrimony . . .” (Collins 1991).
Since the United States and Mexico are neighboring nations, many would conclude that their values and culture regarding marriage would be similar; however, this is not always the case. Relevant ideas of what the institution of marriage should be, and married life in general, in the United States and Mexico differ significantly. Moreover, the United States has a wide array of views on marriage, which makes it difficult to find one concept of married life. Surprisingly, the laws of the land show tremendous similarities. Two countries that share a common boundary and many aspects of modern life, such as music and food, still hold on to their traditional morals and values that have been established in their culture.
Annotated Bibliography
Garro, Elena. The Tree.” Women’s Fiction from Latin America. Ed. Evelyn P. Garfield. Detroit: Wayne State Press, 1988. 70 – 86.
In the selection of the story, Louisa, an Indian, claims that her husband beats her often. The woman that Louisa confides in, Marta, states that for Louisa’s husband to hit his wife, Louisa must have deserved it. This reflects the fact that it used to be socially acceptable in Mexico for men to beat their wives.
Gonzalez, Cat. “Stealing the Bride and other Marriage Customs.” (10 Nov. 1999.)
Gives a general overview of marriage customs unique to different Mexican states. An example of such customs is the custom of the groom stealing the bride if the father doesn’t consent to the marriage of his daughter. States that fathers have more control over the man their daughter marries if the family lives in a rural area.
Lispector, Clarice. “Family Ties.” Women’s Fiction from Latin America. Ed. Evelyn P. Garfield. Detroit: Wayne State Press, 1988. 99 – 106.
Gives insight into in-law relations in Mexican society. In the selection of the story, Catherine’s mother states, “Whoever marries off a son, loses a son, but whoever marries off a daughter gains a son.” This statement reflects the Mexican tradition of women often taking the initiative to maintain family relationships.
Varinia, Frida. “Men.” The Fertile Rhythms: Contemporary Women Poets of Mexico. Ed. Thomas Hoeksema and Yvette Miller. Pittsburgh: Latin American Literary Review Press, 1989. 112 – 113.
In this short poem, the author states that women are essentially the dolls of men, suggesting the stereotypical role of the Mexican woman as a possession of first her father and then her husband. The author goes on to say that women need to create their own male dolls, “dolls [that] cry and grow up.” By making this statement, the author is suggesting that the stereotypical macho Mexican male should change to become more like most women.
Winkler, Helga. “Mexicana and Chicana Concepts of Family, Religion, and Sexuality.” Selected Mexicana and Chicana Fiction: New Perspectives on History, Culture and Society. Diss. The University of Texas at Austin, 1991. Ann Arbor: UMI, 1991. 9212670. 151 – 158.
Discusses current views of Mexicanas towards family, religion, and sexuality. States that Mexican women’s concepts of marriage, sexuality, religion, etc. are largely created in the family. In many cases, Mexican women are encouraged to stay home to deal with domestic affairs and assume the traditional role of the passive female.
Annotated Bibliography
Garro, Elena. “The Tree.” Women’s Fiction from Latin America. Ed. Evelyn P. Garfield. Detroit: Wayne State Press, 1988. 70 – 86.
In the selection of the story, Louisa, an Indian, claims that her husband beats her often. The woman that Louisa confides in, Marta, states that for Louisa’s husband to hit his wife, Louisa must have deserved it. This reflects the fact that it used to be socially acceptable in Mexico for men to beat their wives.
Gonzalez, Cat. “Stealing the Bride and other Marriage Customs.” (10 Nov. 1999.)
Gives a general overview of marriage customs unique to different Mexican states. An example of such customs is the custom of the groom stealing the bride if the father doesn’t consent to the marriage of his daughter. States that fathers have more control over the man their daughter marries if the family lives in a rural area.
Lispector, Clarice. “Family Ties.” Women’s Fiction from Latin America. Ed. Evelyn P. Garfield. Detroit: Wayne State Press, 1988. 99 – 106.
Gives insight into in-law relations in Mexican society. In the selection of the story, Catherine’s mother states, “Whoever marries off a son, loses a son, but whoever marries off a daughter gains a son.” This statement reflects the Mexican tradition of women often taking the initiative to maintain family relationships.
Varinia, Frida. “Men.” The Fertile Rhythms: Contemporary Women Poets of Mexico. Ed. Thomas Hoeksema and Yvette Miller. Pittsburgh: Latin American Literary Review Press, 1989. 112 – 113.
In this short poem, the author states that women are essentially the dolls of men, suggesting the stereotypical role of the Mexican woman as a possession of first her father and then her husband. The author goes on to say that women need to create their own male dolls, “dolls [that] cry and grow up.” By making this statement, the author is suggesting that the stereotypical macho Mexican male should change to become more like most women.
Winkler, Helga. “Mexicana and Chicana Concepts of Family, Religion, and Sexuality.” Selected Mexicana and Chicana Fiction: New Perspectives on History, Culture and Society. Diss. The University of Texas at Austin, 1991. Ann Arbor: UMI, 1991. 9212670. 151 – 158.
Discusses current views of Mexicanas towards family, religion, and sexuality. States that Mexican women’s concepts of marriage, sexuality, religion, etc. are largely created in the family. In many cases, Mexican women are encouraged to stay home to deal with domestic affairs and assume the traditional role of the passive female.
