My Little Love Pumpkin and Other Pet Names

Isn’t it interesting how we all come up with those unique little terms of endearment for our other halves? It’s not enough to call them by their given names. Where’s the romance in that? Doesn’t “Pooky Pants” have a much nicer ring to it than Bob or Sue?
Calling someone by a pet name lets them know just how deeply you care about them and implies ownership. Nothing says I love you like being called “My little sex weasel”, “Boogey Bear” or “Sweet Angel Fart”. The list of pet names we can come up with for each other is only limited by a lack of imagination.
I myself have had numerous pet names for each of my present and ex wives before, during and after the break up of our marriage. Funny how “Sweet Noogy Foozums” can metamorphis into “That F#*&^@% Bitch” just in the space of one relationship.
As we speak I have a whole list of names for my current wife. Some of these I can sort of explain. Others I have no idea where they came from. For example, sometimes I call my wife “Noodles McGillicuddy”. This one came up because my wife is such a character that I felt it only befitting to bestow upon her a title that reminded me of a character from an old Dick Tracy cartoon. As to the origins of the names “Love Biscuit” or “Beebird” I wouldn’t have a clue. Just suddenly one day there they were.
Some pet names like “Sugalicious” and “Boogadelic” are hybrids and pretty easy to figure out, (sugar and delicious, boogie and psychedelic). Don’t ask me to explain why I would ever call someone a combination of boogie and psychedelic. It’s too complicated to explain and when it comes to my case my psychiatrist already has enough stuff to worry about.
I once overheard a conversation by some men who were describing the molecular attributes of a woman who had passed them on the street. The first one said: “That woman was fine”. The second one said: “She was better than fine she was superfine”. The next said: “Naw, she was superfine heterodyne”. The last one said; “She was a superfine heterodyne boped woman”. After I got through laughing I thought to myself “this is too way good to never use again” so henceforth my wife has become my “Superfine Heterodyne Boped Baby”. I think she kind of likes that one.
I used to call one of my ex-wives “bean”. I don’t know why. She didn’t have any problems with excess gas or anything. It was just a name that inexplicably stuck like glue. One day she asked me about it and all I could think of to say was “I don’t know honey I guess it’s just a term of enbeanment”.
I guess all in all bestowing terms of endearment and pet names on your loved ones is a good thing but for the sake of embarrassment it’s probably a good idea to not repeat them in public.
After all a name like “Sweet Angel Fart” or “Sex Weasel” might be a whole lot more information than any of us want or need.