Narcissus was a handsome young man in Greek mythology whose love angered the gods. He was about to perish for his life looking at his image in the water. He loved the thought of it so much that he sat there and watched until he finally died where he was sitting. The word narcissism was born from this story and, according to dictionary.com, it refers to “extreme admiration and admiration for yourself”: “self-love that excludes all”.
But what happens when your mother is a narcissist? My mother will tell anyone who will listen that she never felt like herself growing up. He was the youngest of six children and was much younger than his youngest brother. Her parents were therefore older and could not be involved in many activities with her growing up. She claims that her personality is so different from the rest of her family that she often wonders if she’s adopted or if she’s doing some petting with the mailman somewhere along the line. True or not, he believes. And, I believe, this is what formed the narcissistic personality. She has grown into a woman who cannot look beyond her own needs or even see the needs of others. It functions from a truly self-serving perspective.
Here is an example. They were two best friends with my parents when I was growing up. They had a young son who developed mental illness and some serious problems and anger. At one point, my mother told them that she believed she had serious issues and needed professional help. Is he trying to be helpful? I don’t think so. It got to the point where he didn’t want to stay around them because it made her son uncomfortable. Thus he lends his opinion. There was some offense, especially to her husband, and she says that the friendship is getting worse. Years later, a man who was the local fire chief was killed in a wildlife accident in which he was hit by a runaway car. When I heard the news and got back home, my mother said, “I’m just thinking, if we had stayed close, this would never have happened.” Now, it may seem like an innocent enough comment, but in the context of the rest of the conversation it was clear that she truly believed that if she hadn’t been estranged years before, she would have been killed.
I don’t know that my mother would be diagnosed with a full blown narcissistic personality disorder as the issue was never explored but, as per a different article on jos.com, she should definitely be classified as having a narcissistic personality style. Growing up in my family, it was very clear whose needs and opinions were valued, and you better believe that none of the rest family members . All or any of the consequences shall be paid to him. I knew that if I approached her with a problem, she would turn around and talk about her problems. I went through a difficult time in high school. I suffered from self-esteem issues and manifested myself in some unhealthy behaviors. I drank often and was promiscuous. I immediately applied for the job and was rejected. The business was at a local soda counter drug store in the small town where we lived. She happened to be one of the many working women who went to high school with her mother. When I returned to the office, my mother told me that it was because she was hard of hearing. Mom didn’t care about the destructive behavior I was exhibiting. Most mothers would have dealt with me; Perhaps you could send me some advice yourself. Not my mom. He gave me a lesson about his life and how it made my behavior look at the people of our city. What I was going through was trivial and was never discussed in any context other than how to move it. The counselor was never seen. Concern for my health and safety is not even mentioned.
That feeling of not being important has been a cornerstone of my life for many years. This in fornication, in teenage drinking, in cohabitation, in youth. The only thing I’ve learned in these years of counseling is that the failure is in my mom and not in me. It took years, but I finally overcame the issue of self-worth and learned to live life Happy and healthy without destructive behavior.
Is my mother still narcissistic? Absolutely! The difference is that I now know that I cannot change. I can only change how I deal with her and her narcissistic personality.
Is there a narcissist in your life? Here are two suggestions for dealing with a narcissistic personality. First of all, be aware that unless he deals in person, seeks professional help, there is little you can do. Learn to control your emotions towards them and realize that if you find yourself in a situation where you need support or healing, you need to find it elsewhere. Since the narcissist is incapable of empathy and cannot see beyond themselves, they will not be able to help you.
Second, it is important to understand that the failure is not in you! If you are involved with a narcissist whether it is a parent, spouse or even child, you should seek professional help. live your healthy life Don’t let the narcissist’s actions affect your life beyond repair.
Sources:
http://www.mythweb.com/encyc/entries/narcissus.html
http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/narcissism
http://www.cnn.com/HEALTH/library/DS/00652.html
