There have been a lot of changes in the sexual landscape over the last 30 years , not least of which is the way in which we perceive it in relation to monogamy and marriage. Of all of these changes, no lifestyle remains as controversial as the notion that someone could love and even want to marry more than one person. When we think of these people we often think of the ’70s swingers or the Fundamentalists of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, in reality the idea is as old as civilization and as varied in it’s practices as the cultures that have followed them over the centuries. In this case, I am going to be discussing polyamory and polygamy, two sides of this unique coin.
At their heart, both groups ascribe to the same belief that it is possible to be in love and co-habitat with more than one person. But as we venture out from this base concept, we find several differences. First of all Polygamists do generally fall under conservative religious practices with the intention of raising their children in a communal environment for the benefit of a better moral and religious upbringing in an effort to separate them from “worldly” things and raise them in the standards and practices of the group. Polyamorous groups however do not have ulterior motives for their groupings but make their decisions on the matter based on their sexual and romantic interests, any communal atmosphere is thought of as a product of that grouping rather than the goal.
Polyamorists are also more diverse in their identification of a “poly” relationship. For some it is a group of lovers sharing the same space, for others it means an open relationship with multiple intimate relationships in separate households, and for others the relationship is open only sexually with the base couple being emotionally and mentally exclusive to each other. They do not subscribe to any one religious or moral background, in fact many choose not to be religious at all seeing it as a limitation of their lifestyle. It has also been seen as a natural evolution of romantic relationships, moving away from traditional standards. Therefore they are thought to have arisen from more organized parts of the swinging culture.
Polygamy is ascribed to a handful of religions in the modern age such as the FCJCLDS and Islam, in the Islamic faith a man may have no more than four wives and he must care for and provide for all of them in an equal manner. These wives maintain separate households and do not see their husbands often despite his provisions, this is more often seen in Africa. In a group like the FCJCLDS the goal is to live communally with other households in order to maintain an exclusive environment for several polygamist households that make up a entire community. In this environment the children are raised in a closed community with the intention of keeping them in the faith for their moral and religious benefit. Controversy has arisen from rumors that these Fundamentalist Mormons also marry off girls who are younger than 18 and enforce harsh standards on their children, sometimes. even abandoning male children who’ve grown into adolescence.
Both groups are seen as morally bankrupt by traditional standards and have faced scrutiny by Federal children’s safety groups where children are involved and prosecution where it is illegal to practice bigamy. They stand out from normal society and are not looked on kindly by conservatives and other monogamists who perceive them on a sexual level rather than anything romantic or religious and therefore condemn the practice of both versions as “sick”. The success of shows like Big Love and Swingtown have drawn more attention to these groups as well as the recent trial of Waren Jeffs of the FCJCLDS, during which several children were taken from the group’s compound. The people who chose to practice polygamy and polyamory face many obstacles but fell that they’re worth it to live a life they’ve chosen for themselves and their families.
