Here are some funny words from the talk show show, Space Coast to Coast.
(Elevator
Space Spirit: (laughs) Judy, tell me, is there anything you wonder about me?
Judy Holds: Oh, Space Spirit, I love that you’re invisible, and that you don’t eat my food because you’re a cartoon character, you know, like my big fat roommate Blowsanne! Hey, Judy, hey, I want donut ‘n stuff! (makes a funny sound)
Space Spirit: It sounds like you have a lot of friends. Do you want to be your friend because you are so famous?
Judy Tenuta: Space Spirit, you must remember one thing: friends are just enemies who don’t have the guts to kill you!
Space Spirit: Judy, friends are just enemies who don’t have the guts to kill you?
Judy Holds: Yes! Friends are just enemies who don’t have the guts to kill you!
(Banjo
Space Spirit: Hey Al, tell us about your new testimony.
Weird Al Yankovic: Please, Breath of the Wild, um, I, come on, show me that I’m a, big I’m a fan, not plugging my latest album…
Space Spirit: Wrong! Next question! Big Pots, anyone?
Fate Al Yankovic: Well, um, I can eat my weight in Ding Dongs. red traffic lights Considering the green way, I can make a painting with my oils. a joke
Space Spirit: This is enough for you in this show.
Fate Al Yankovic: Yeah, times are a little tough, I guess.
(Lovesick
Carrot Top: Why do they call me Carrot Top?
Space Spirit: Yeah.
Carrot Top: ‘Cause all the good stuff is taken.
Space of the Holy Spirit: Like “conqueror”.
Carrot Top: Hootie.
Space Spirit: Hootie?
Carrot Top: I wanted to be Hootie. Hootie! Say, that’s fun. Hootie!
Ghost Space: Uh, Hootie.
Zorak: Hootie?
Moltar: Hootie?
Carrot Top: Hootie! Is that fun?
Moltar: Hootie!
Zorak: Hootie!
Carrot Top: Ladies and gentlemen, Hootie!
(Fire Ant
Conan O’Brien: You know, I learned from all of them. King. Kathie Lee. King and Kathie Lee.
Holy Space: Right.
Conan O’Brien: I would like to say that the show is very bad…
Space Spirit: Okay.
Conan O’Brien: …and we have to stop.
Space Spirit: Okay.
Conan O’Brien: I think you are a bad man, and this is not wrong…
Holy Space: All right.
Conan O’Brien: …but I think you represent evil…
Space Spirit: Yeah.
Conan O’Brien: …and your presence makes any progress in the universe impossible.
(In Memory of Elizabeth Reed
William Shatner: I love a good ass.
Moltar: Yes.
William Shatner: You can take your ass by the ear (fist twitching gesture) and hold tight,,,
Moltar: Uh, well…
William Shatner: … and ride across the fence and look really rather romantic.
Moltar: (chuckles)
William Shatner: While you’re holding it in your ear, and you’re riding naked.
Moltar: (excited) Have you ever been an ass-kisser, Bill?
(South Idlewild
Jeff Probst: Have you seen the show “Survivor” Space Spirit?
Space Spirit: Uhh, yeah. A bunch of guys killin’ each other.
Jeff Probst: Well, it’s a mix of guys and girls.
Holy Space: (sitting) Dancin’ around, killin’ each other.
(To dream
Triumph: Who is watching this show?
Space Spirit: Don’t know.
Triumph: Anyone?
Holy Ghost Space: Not sure.
Triumph: Really?
Space Spirit: Seriously!
(Flipmode
Busta Rhymes: You gotta give me a pair of those wrist lasers you run around the place. when
Holy Space: Why?
Busta Rhymes: I’m gonna use em.
Space Spirit: For what?
Busta Rhymes: I might use em to zap you with em.
Space Spirit: Okay.
Busta Rhymes: Give it to me.
Holy Space: I want to.
Busta Rhymes: So be it.
Holy Space: I want to.
(Sweet for Brak
Zorak: Behold, Satan is supposed to come and raise him up.
Moltar: Shyeah, man, we’re doin’ for Satan.
Space of the Holy Spirit: Satan. Should I meet? At, in open house?
Moltar: Yeah, that was the guy who was tryin’ to get you to kill that girl.
Zorak: Yeah, you know with the necktie. And, uh, the crown was made of thighs.
Space Spirit: Uh, I don’t remember.
Zorak: Maybe you haven’t seen him. Your eyes all rolled back into your head.
Moltar: Yeah, man, and you said “Satan, Dad, Satan!”
Space Spirit: Thigh?
(The hole of Justice
Dave Thomas: Hello, Space Spirit, how thick is your neck?
Holy space: I’ll ask, Dave. How thick is my neck? It is 48 inches.
Dave Thomas: That neck is decent sized.
Holy Ghost Space: Badius, Dave.
Dave Thomas: 48 inch radius.
Space of the Holy Spirit: Badius.
Dave Thomas: How do you measure when a straight coat or…
Ghost Space: I just cut off my head and counted the rings in my throat.
Dave Thomas: Fair enough.
Holy Space: What’s that on your cheek, Dave? Oh-h-h, it’s fat.
Dave Thomas: Thank you for even acknowledging that I have a jaw, Space Spirit.
Space of the Holy Spirit: (in a low voice) Not much of one.
Space Spirit: …match where. And I always bring one whole bag full of soap.
Sarah Jessica Parker: Um, and you?
Space Ghost: Space Ghost
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) Right. Uh, is your name “Space Saints Coast to Coast” or is it just “Space Saints”?
Holy Ghost Space: Um, I don’t know. hey! Do you want to see how I can jump high?
Sarah Jessica Parker: Hmm…
Space Spirit: I can jump high! I am a real leader can go!
Sarah Jessica Parker: (laughing) No, I thought maybe you were joking.
Space Spirit: Good! Here he goes! (takes off) Weeeeeee!!!
(Sarah Jessica Parker hides her face in her hands as Space Spirit bounces off the studio)
(Cahill
Garrett Morris: Are there, as they believe, money out there in the universe?
Space Spirit: (still under the desk) What’s this now?
Garrett Morris: Cash, cash, cash.
Holy Space: I have no money.
Garrett Morris: (sings) Money!
Space Spirit: (sings) I don’t have it!
Garrett Morris: (sings) Some people have that.
Holy Space: I have no money (stand)
Garrett Morris: (sings) I really need somebody.
Space Spirit: Hellooo! (sits)
Garrett Morris: (sings) Do, do, do things, good things with him.
Holy Space: I’m talkin’ to myself.
(Toast
Ghost Space: You know, Adam, I can hug you all night.
Adam Carolla: Although I never see you with all the women.
Holy Space: What do you want? The women are all over me like proton targets lost in Guf City.
Adam Carolla: But you still go home from the studio every night.
Space of the Holy Spirit: I have these.
Adam Carolla: But it does not bother to express.
Space Spirit: You could press these.
Adam Carolla: Yeah, but the covered bridge that he had just built would break and break into a million little pieces and you have to fix your kitchen table again alone.
Holy draw: Not if you roll em.
(Sphinx
Space Spirit: Hello, Harland!
Harland Williams: Hello there Billy.
Space of the Holy Spirit: It is not my name.
Moltar: Wheeeeeeee! (Slides a)
Space Ghost: …Billy.
Harland Williams: Oh. (nods)
Holy Space: It is the Spirit’s Space.
Harland Williams: ‘Kay, Billy. gotcha (nods again)
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Frequently collected from www.snard.com/sg
