I’m sorry I’m a few days late on this…
LAST WEEK’S THRILLING: Turmoil between Cage and Styles, partner reshuffle, Booker T (get ready for a recurring theme)!, and now…
A turkey with a gold medal and an American Flag planted on it. Oh, and one dish, ready to eat too. It’s the Angle League Thanksgiving Dinner, and we’re invited. Children abound there! He said less is better, let’s go!
And now, from Impact Zone (or Universal Florida Studios), it’s TNA IMPACT! Tonight, it’s the Turkey Bowl! The winner gets $25,000 and a mini-hubcap. The turkey diet should use a suit. The bracket: Devon vs. Sabin vs. Abyss in the first match, Devine vs. Kip James vs. Samoa Joe next, then Styles vs. Lethal vs. Cage in the third! We are going away.
DEVON BROTHERS VS. CHRIS SABIN VS. Abyss
Oh, look, Devon is pregnant? That is, he looks like he is lactating. The doctors need to shut him down. And when Sabinus was betrayed by Sabinus, do you remember? So he gets him before the bell. Abyss just came to the party, Devon Sabin lost using his own Frisbee. Abyss goes nuts, using a variety of offensive punches and punches, but manages to match Sabine with a nice set of Concussions. And here Rellik and Black Reigned to remove Abyss from the board, but the third wheel was here anyway. Devon who punches Sabin for a while, goes for a crappy reverse DDT, but Sabin gets up and over his shoulders, Devon rolls for a pin a> and in the finals. Mr
Oh good, we were saved from the actual wrestling by Duo, Nash and Hall. They want to know where the party is. Crystal points them in the right direction. They say they put it on the dessert table (suspended!).
Prim* mul T See BOOKER. This usually bothers me, but I’m a huge fan, so the hype will go away in this case!
I’m going back to dinner. Robert Roode arrives and, like a real man (sarcasm), slams the door on Miss Brooks. “Cowboy” James Storm and Miss Jackie Moore arrive, and are loaded (shot). Harris arrives and complains (even though he’s right about getting with Anglo on TV) and starts biting Roode. Eric Young is here! The corner is disturbed! We all win!
JOHNNY DEVINE VS. JACOB KIP VS. SAMOA JOE
Odds are pretty good you can call a winner and a loser in this fight, but you’re doing it for us, aren’t you? Last week’s “decline” is back, and now Havoc is back at Johnny Devine. So? All three are in the ring and Raven begins to inflict pain, both dropping punches, then a slick chop to the neck, a kick to the face on a seated Devine, then a dirty knee drop. James after (now, now!) whip, Joe down, James over, atomic drop for Joe. Crow to the ropes, but B.G. James grabs the ankle, and the other two tackle, distracting Joe. James and Devine hit a Stag Attack double team on Joe, but Devine went over James with a cover. They argue, Joe gets up and gets to the killin. James is now in the corner with a Musclebuster, but B.G blocks it again. The ref throws. While this is going on, Divine tries his luck, but he looks hungry, so Raven does the Musclebuster to capture him and eat him. You called it, didn’t ya? C-
More Angle stuff. In the X-Division B-Team (Phark Boy, Petey Williams, Sanjay Dutt) go, Dutt tries to raise money in his drum for the poor and get food in that place. The weather and the youth will drink. Stiles apologizes for getting caught, with Karen yelling at him about not eating. More to come, I know you’ll be hooked!
Poor Don West thinks the dinner scene is “intriguing.” we weep for him and all of us.
AJ STYLES VS. BLACK MACHISM VS. CHRISTIAN CAVEA
Ferox Alive continues to channel (alleged) Alive, which is fun to watch. The cage is nowhere to be found, so we’ll have Styles and Sav… Lethal rolls Styles up to steal one, but it only gets two. Leapfrog, then a huracanrana by Lethal, then a slam, then a top for a double axel, gets two. Lethal goes for the punches again, and Styles goes over the top, whips to the ropes, Lethal blocks the iron with an ax block, cartwheels, and hits a single leg dropkick, covers for two. Styles packs him in, gives him a shoulder tackle, sends a whip to the sides, and a body torget. Lethal grabs a headbutt, Styles pushes him to the ropes, chops on the break, now a whip, Styles leapfrogs and hits a heavy dropkick, Lethal sells the gun, big spot. NOW we have a Cage, and we’ll see him in style, and the race will begin abruptly… and a poetry slam PSA against weed. I’m all for it. Poems, not weed! Did I say too much?!
We’re back, now Cage has some quality with Lethal, as Style is hiding somewhere. Lethal gets a dropkick for two, but Cage clotheslines him at WrestleMania V. There he shot Styles in the entrance after Cage’s neckbreaker. Cage has a big Bag O’ Backdrop for Lethal, which gives him time to kick Styles out again. He also gives Lethal a little time to recover, as he suplexes the two with a small package, but Cage is back in the guard, backing him into the corner, hitting a fatal blow, and taunting him with a brutal spinning finger whip. but he meets him with a lethal elbow from the side, then drops a nice uppercut to the bifurcation. Trux’s Top Rope Necksnap leads to a dropkick to HAT, he gets a near fall. The cage sends him to the ropes, but a Lethal Combination (head to the knee, back of the knee, then a faceplant to the mat) but he sucks the wind and can’t follow up fast enough, so Styles slams him on the top rope. Christian falls down, the pin is more attractive, but he doesn’t pay attention when Styles splashes Lethal and taps Cage’s shoulder to win…but he counters the pin to Styles. Wah-wahhhhhh. A good match. B-
Corner of me hates Thanksgiving. Is this bad? Well, here comes the Reign and Rellik to save the day. Rellik has caught the turkey, and the Imperium puts a cloud of Rat on Karen’s asparagus. My heroes!
More Booker t hype.
I’ll be back for more. Note to TNA TV people: I don’t want to watch new wrestlers show a vignette after getting to knock two people senseless. Example: Behold, Lethal, looking very healthy, brought girrrrrllllll! It was funny to hear Tenay and West trying to dance around, though.
VELVET AIR VS. ANGELINA LOVE VS. O.D.B.
West and Tenay compare the entrance to the ring with a ball with the better entrances of TNA, West wanting the ring rope to be clear. Ugh. ODB got a bottle of Dutch audacity with her and squeezed it on the way. Guess what the initials mean? It’s time to write! It’s more because of the beating in this case, the other girls get a lot of offense to ODB, love getting pulled out of the ring and shaken off the ramp. hey! Then he beat the ring to Heaven for a while. and some of the breasts are stripped. Hmmm. The crowd sings his name. The connection? Judge. But from the top comes Amor with a body press on the two, then from the opposite side ODB hits the head with a tongs. Drink the yoke as ODB lets Love and Heaven provide some punches to sip. Heaven makes its last Dragon impression, kicking all the heck out of Love. Not a good night in Angie, is it? A DDT ODB needs only to contain the love from DOA. (Sorry.) Love pushes ODB, crosses the body, but ODB grabs him and gives him a head slam! Wow, you want booze! Another ODB SONG. Heaven tries some offense, but ODB catches her, goes to the top rope, and starts slamming her head into the buckle between her legs. You have a vision and a point. West calls out the “Dirty Dozen”, and ODB finishes Sky with a huge Lou Thesz press (vertical body, holding the opponent by the shoulders of the mat) from the top, her, uh, thing in Sky’s face for the pin. No wonder it’s so popular. Jokes aside, there was more competition in this one match than any WWE women’s match in recent memory, I’m sure. A good one. C
Now, hype Turning Point, live the 8th of December and THINK ONLY LIVE! Festival or Fire match, 15 people, four accidents, one states of the world match, one X-division match. one type tag pair, and one pink slip, hanging on the poles. Merry Christmas to you too. 3D and Divine vs. Motor City MachineGuns and Black Machismo. Or maybe a replacement? No? Darn. Abyss/Rhyno will reign in the 10,000 Thumbtacks Match/Rellik vs. Closed Rule: The first to use it loses its own motion.
AWESOME KONG vs. Gail Kim for the Knockout title. Poor Gail. Goodnight and good luck, sweetie.
And Tenay calls the match “the six-man tag we’ve all been waiting for” (and he doesn’t sing the least. God bless that man), Overthe-Hillers and Samoa Joe vs. League (English, Styles, Tomko).
Angle looks at the table to restore order. But JB asks if Turkey is baster in the bay, or is he happy to see him? Ah-yuk! Behold KONG! Oh, yeah, hurt someone! Oh, well, he eats wax fruit. Boy, Gaius is in trouble. EVERYONE GO KONG!
Here is a triple-X reptilian portico, with Christopher Daniel as the worship leader, lit up like a Christmas tree (literally, not figuratively), and we are nothing because we are sinners. Thanks for the lift, Chris, and I’ll see you at church on Sunday!
3D has arrived. Quick, let’s get close to the rat, they look hungry! The X-ers and 3D burst into flames, then the X-ers storm out, leaving the Freakish tribe (Kong, Rellik and Regna) and 3D with the English. They go to the kiddie table with Kira Angle, who sucks them! (Good girl!) Karen points to the corner, taking the blame for it. Who is the man?
Review of the Turkey Bowl finalists: Sabin sneaking one from Devon, Joe feeding a hungry Devine, Styles getting a lethal vulture.
TURKEY BOWL FINALS: CHRIS SABIN VS. SAMOA JOE VS. AJ STYLES
Be very careful about this! Joe gets another great reaction, and you have to wonder why they lost him in this whole Hillers/Angle thing. Styles gets a pinball to start, there’s a bit of knocking between Joe and Sabin, then a double whip, Joe gives him a backdrop to go, and Sabin drops him off the top, sending Styles flying back first into the barbell. from the outside hey! Now Sabin and Joe are taking it down, countering with a few armdrags, giving each other a few heel trips, and ending up with Sabin leading under a kick to Joe’s head. A large portion of that mum’s crowd shows. Now comic relief: Stylus comes charging in, misses the clothes badly, and flies to the other side, shielding Sabin’s eyes, looking into space with added humor. Joe was pretty funny, sounding dumb here for Sabin, but Sabin responds with a sweet wire kick to knock Joe out. Time to fly, as Sabinus runs to Ravens and doesn’t bounce back, he flies and nails Stylus over there! Break time.
Back in, Sabin takes time between punches to AJ to show him where Detroit is in his hand, then runs at him, but AJ hotshots him in the foul spot. Crow drops in some rights, AJ looks him in the eye, but Joe kicks his legs out from under him, making Styles do a front flip sell on his own toy. Wow, guys are clicking. Raven runs into Sabin, elbows him, then jumps up and kicks Sabin in the head! Sabin bails, Raven drains the crowd, time to fly for the big man, but out of nowhere Styles gets a flying forearm to stop it, then a slingshot over the top to kick Joe, and THROUGH to the outside as Sabin is almost in one. movement! It is Sabinus again to recall some iron. AJ kicks Joe, gets some rights in the corner, but Joe charges, AJ drops, and there’s a sniper dropkick for Joe, who, like Lethal earlier, sells it like a head. These guys should be like AJ, they sell tricks for him. Sabine back up, slingshot to the top, rope armdrag, then double hooks, rolls into the cradles. Styles gives him a double choke, whips to the side, Sabin latches on Octopus, he calls Joe for double styles, Styles comes out and Sabin gets under Joe’s line, Joe grabs and rolls Octopus. for a pin attempt, but Styles dropkicks Sabin in the head for a break. Eek! Styles goes for a vertical suplex on Joe, Tenay calls him out, saying he’s a speed guy, but he overpowers him! Even though his back is hurting, he still goes after Sabin in the corner, whipping him to the ropes and giving him a knee breaker. Styles snapmares Raven on top now, slaps him on the chin, Sabin gives Styles one now! The crow raises both his strength, and gives both jaws! A delicate place. Time for another break… Any five on “video game ads? Anyone? Anyone?
Back to Styles, who is working Joe in the corner, hitting the big man and talking trash. It seems stupid to me, but I can’t take it back, what do I know? he walks cocky to Sabin, who punches him in the gut, runs errands to AJ, grabs him in a precipice, jumps, kicks Joe, and DDTs Styles in one move. Many style points, but two in number. Sabin’s energetic, runs between the two, hits them both, then styles beating on Joe, who catches him, kicks Sabin, who staggers to the corner, where Joe slams Styles into him, then powerslams AJ down, who just does out at two. . No single moves tonight, all combos, eh? Good by me! Atomic Crow drops Styles, then kicks him in the head, Sabin gets up and tosses Styles, then Joe hits his big Nasty Senton (jumping back splash. Joe 287. You do the math.) on AJ, and Sabin has to butt AJ. Sabin and Joe already drop the slug, Sabin gets him on the ropes after a kick to the stomach, he tries to clothesline him once, twice, not the ankles, the same thing, (cutting to AJ putting the table outside), three times; but Joseph tries to leave. Sabin swims to the turnbuckle, though, then tries a kick to Joe, who blocks it, blocks Sabin, hooks his leg in the rope, then uses the rope to fire a hard kick to Joe’s face, and that’s it. finally let him down. Hey! But Sabin can’t follow, so Styles grabs his foot in the HAT and puts it down, first on the keeper, then adds a little iron to Sabin’s diet. They fight near the table, but Joe is trying to find that the hard way, trying to scatter both guys and hit the wood instead. He breaks the spike. Eww.
Here is what TNA needs to do more, let’s talk wrestling. WWE can’t touch these guys on that front. Enough talking. Similarly, I am sorry. Styles dropkicks Sabin, then runs to the ropes and hits a sneaky face slam for two. Sabine ran under him going for the top. Style pictures express Eddie Guerrero brainbuster for the other two. Joe shoots, and the patient looks on. I wonder why. Styles argues with the ref, then goes back to Sabin. Styles runs the ropes, but Sabin. AJ stops to look where Sabin was, and where is Sabin Diamond Cutting AJ! Styles lifts his knee, swings him to the corner, and kicks Sabin in the teeth, then rolls him towards the middle, then hits a springboard to the top rope and through the ring 3/4/, Clothesin! The style barely rises above the shoulder. Enziguri (standing kick to the back) for Sabino, then bring Styles into the fireman, go to cradle the contestants, but Styles rolls, rolls, no, Styles collides with knees, hard roar)! and the heroic Raven takes it, except from nowhere to save it by going into the match. Styles chops, whips, Styles gets elbowed, springboards to the moonsault, but Joe grabs him like a card, and the wicked Emerald Fusion (slams his head into the side of the mat), now Sabin is playing Superman. Another yoke! hands fall off and I don’t care!
Back with Sabin giving Joe a snapping tornado DDT. Tenay bangs out the “this is what separates us from the competition” line, and there’s no argument here. Sabin goes to the top, but Raven stops him, then joins him. Sabin slugs him back, Joseph is staggered, Styles hits him from behind, knocks him into the ropes, and Sabin needs the ice. his special place. Joe, the handsome man, kicks him in the face to make him forget. Satyricon, Sabinus. Joe turns to go to Styles, who Pele (like a soccer ball kick) on top of Joe! He staggers to the corner, charges at Styles, but Raven grabs his ARM around the neck and slams him into the bed hard! The guy’s a frickin’ beast! It’s style food, and Joe Musclebuster is hungry for some. Game, put, hell match one! A+
Joe gets a check and the pin, we see a video package with a few highlights of this awesome fight, and Turkey has Styles time, but Angle drops his head because no one connects with him like Turkey! He and Tomko evolve!
Back in town, the Dumptastic duo show up and slam pies in Karen’s face. Then a desperate fight breaks out, but KONG doesn’t care! He grabs his right leg out of mid-air and bites. I think I’m in love.
Styles is still in the ring, putting on a suit. Jim Cornette tosses and threatens to fire a lot if he doesn’t agree, so he reluctantly does. The crowd chants “Gobble, gobble” at Turk…er, AJ, and here comes the champ. They discuss who looks more funny, the Turkish AJ or the English foreigner. Joe and the Hillers come out, they say they all look like donkeys (but another word), the Englishman says it better than the Samoan, the Hillers and Joe go down, followed by some Turk and a foreigner and a biker wannabe butt, and that’s it.
The only problem is that this was a great match, but other than that, it was a great show this season. WrestleMania, please, TNA!
Next week, Booker is in the ring!
Same place (Spike TV), same time (9-11 pm), less filling!
