Ever heard of “flatbootyitis?” A lot of us suffer from it. Ever since J Lo came on the scene and made the ‘ethnic’ badunkadunk popular, more and more booty-challenged women have been seeking cures. Wideness doesn’t count, cos lawd knows there’re a lot of us out there with some wide, flat, sofa cushions ones! I’m talking about real curves, a little depth, something that can be grabbed and looks great in a pair of jeans or with nothing on at all. There are those body shaper things, but let’s be real. That’s a temporary fix. You struggle like hell to get the cursed thing on, and then get disappointed when you peel it off and go back to something SO flat that makes the walls jealous.
Now, I will admit that I’m one of those sistas that just wasn’t blessed in that area. I had the biggums on top and actually had to get a breast reduction. But the booty? Genetics skipped right over me. Since having my last child, I’ve been really troubled by my flatbootyitis and have been searching for a cure. Did you know that there are actually two procedures out there that can cure the ailment? And guess what? Not only women are getting their derriere done!!! Here’s what I’ve been able to find.
First is a glutealplast or buttock implants. Folks that want to enlarge, lift, and shape their butt, can choose from a selection of different size and shape buttock implants. Since the shape and size of the implants depends on each person’s individual desires and on their general body build, you can get what ever sized butt you want!
Anyone in good or average health and physical condition can be a candidate for buttock implant (augmentation) surgery. Silicone implants, firm or gel, will be placed under the gluteus maximus muscle and the muscle fascia with a single incision overlying your tailbone. Since the butt is required for walking, sitting and most movement, it will take you a little longer to recover than with most cosmetic surgeries.
The procedure itself is about two hours long, and done on an outpatient basis. You’ll be going home about an hour or so after your surgery. For the first several days, it’ll be difficult to turn in any position to get comfortable and it is important that someone be with you at least overnight and probably for the next several days just to help you get out of bed and move around. Your surgeon will be giving you some pain medication. You can remove the dressing and compression support in about 2 – 3 days after the surgery, and after about 5 – 7 days, you’ll be able to get around more comfortably, however, won’t be able to resume your regular activities for about four weeks.
It’s really important to find a qualified surgeon, someone who performs this surgery on a regular basis (at least 4 – 5 times a month), so you’ll get the best results. Not all surgeons perform this procedure and if they do, not with regularity. Because the butt is so involved in most of our body’s movement, the implants can shift or move, so you want a surgeon who knows exactly how and where to place them to avoid this problem. Also, the implants are solid, and have to be molded or carved before they’re placed in you, and you don’t want to end up with a lumpy butt or one cheek bigger than the other. And lastly, if the implants have to be removed because of infection, you can almost guarantee scarring and complications.
Okay, the second procedure is a buttock enlargement or buttock augmentation (also known as a Brazilian Butt Fill™). This one actually helps you out two-fold. Since the surgeon uses liposuctions to take excess fat from other areas of your body, including the abdomen, hips, back or thighs, and injects it into different layers of your buttocks, you have to have a sufficient amount of body fat, (and most of us do!), usually wearing a dress size of 10 – 12. This method is more natural than the buttock implants. This procedure takes about one and a half to two hours. You’ll have mild discomfort, though it’s easily relieved by painkillers. You can sit soon after buttock augmentation surgery and you’ll need to wear a compression garment for 1-2 weeks, and will be able to go back to work in 3 – 5 days. You’ll be able to resume regular activity after 2 weeks. Postoperative massage and ultrasound treatments are encouraged after surgery, and your results will be evident after 6-8 weeks. Wow, I didn’t think it would take that long.
Again, it’s really important to find a qualified surgeon, someone who performs this surgery on a regular basis (at least 4 – 5 times a month), so you’ll get the best results. The main risk of the Butt Fill procedure is that there is a 30% chance of significant absorption of fat within 6-8 weeks after surgery. Since there’s really no way of predicting this before the surgery, you must have enough donor fat available to allow for second grafting. After the second fat injection, it’s unlikely that anymore will be necessary. Aside from absorption, occasionally a minor touch-up may be necessary to correct minor irregularities or asymmetry. Other possible complications include bleeding, infection, asymmetry, and scarring, but they are said to be very uncommon.
So, if you’re genetically predisposed to flatbootyitis, and no amount of squats can help you, or you just want a little extra junk in the trunk, there are a couple of alternatives available. The pricing is kinda hefty, about $3800 – $4800 for either the procedures. Since some of the larger plastic surgery centers offer financing, you can put your new booty on lay-away for next summer!
