Since 1986, Robert Darden has been the Senior Editor of The Wittenburg Gate, the world’s oldest, largest and only religious magazine. The Wittenburg Gate defines its mission as “using humor and satire to hold a mirror up to all religious targets, all denominations, all faiths, all people – in short, any or any abuse or misuse of religious faith for personal gain.”
No place is considered too sacred or too controversial to be tackled for this magazine commentary. Targets included Dr. James Dobson, Kenneth Copeland, George Bush, the Clintons and even Joel Osteen.
Darden has a letter rejection standard that lists the main things that are wrong with ninety percent of the articles it receives. This message states that this submission does not meet these criteria but adds that the writer may want to try another market. He suggests that aspiring writers study each humor magazine in depth to learn about the slant of a particular writer’s publication.
As an editor and writer, Darden believes that one of his most important tasks is to repeat the faith of doctors to “First Hurt”. He adds that many writers publish their things on part because they fail to be dissuaded by someone who has no business.
If there is even a little spark and the writer shows some ability to write “door” humor, Darden writes personal. note on the back “I know this is an extra hassle,” he said. “However, I feel that this is a potential writer’s only brush with publishing. So they deserve to have their article published and their name mentioned. It only takes an extraordinary thirty seconds to be nice.”
While the editor makes the final decision about the magazine’s content, if Darden accepts an article, he will vindicate it when he takes it to the editorial board. Prizes and copies of the author are sent within two weeks of publication.
The door of Wittenburg works best when it satisfies religious matters or the latest publishers. Potential writers must be in the speculation of any church or faith related, which is in the Gospels lake. But as a magazine published bi-monthly, the material cannot be so topical that it ceases to be of interest at the time of public articulation.
Likewise, the Gate of Wittenburg is a religious zone, an uncontested zone. This means that the necessary articles are ridiculous to someone with only a vague, nodding knowledge of religion in class, and to Born Again/Sunday School/Constitution Union/Bible Sword Drill/Youth Choir/Southern Baptist Deacons.
According to Mr. Darden, if The Wittenburg Gate is doing its job properly, they should expect outcry and name-calling, with subscribers indignantly rescinding their signatures, threatening lawsuits, and secular media doing stories in the magazine. And sometimes, someone will say, “Hey! Wittenburg’s door is right! The emperor really has no clothes!”
A large portion of the submissions sent to this editor by The Wittenburg Door are inappropriate. Either the prospective writer will not mock him or the magazine will not stick to the mission. “We’re more like National Lampoon than Guidepost. Very few writers seem to see that,” he says. Darden adds that prospective writers should read at least a year’s worth of back issues to get a feel for the magazine’s unique editorial bias.
Even Darden rejects that about five percent of the submissions sent to him are still in manuscript form. “Their writers need to be read very seriously four times with some pause between each reading,” he notes. “When your part is as short as it can take and you can’t cut anything else, that’s when you throw it in.”
Along those lines, he continues to be mystified when he requires a writer to re-write a submission and they feel this request is asking them to never re-send their material. “I asked for some pieces to be worked on three times before they were ready for submission,” says this editor. “I only ask for corrections if I want a piece and it has a good change to get the public. But this particular article should be narrowed down because it is not the quality of the DOOR.”
THIS EDITOR NEEDS: Short humor that is really funny. Better to laugh out loud. But I will take it into your hands as a joke. There are no off-time limits. There are always short popular Top 10 popular lists, as they are funny bad joke ads.
Don’t submit: First-person essays are only mildly entertaining. We had a ban on these. Also, I have received too many sermons.
However, there is a line in the writer’s manual that says “If your part is funny enough, forget all the previous commands.”
