Teen romances are not all fun and games. Parents have more to fear than pregnancy and even sexual diseases. Did you know that teenage obsession as well as emotional and physical abuse is on the rise? Did you also know that the girls are not the only victims?
According to the National Center for Injury Prevention and Control, one in every four dating teenager has reported being verbally, emotionally, sexually or physically abused. Yet, as alarming as this number is many experts believe that in reality this number is probably higher.
Liz Clairborne Inc. funds programs against domestic violence. In 2006, they surveyed a number of teenagers. In this survey, over 60% of the participants, both boys and girls, said that their boyfriends or girlfriends have made them feel bad or made him feel embarrassed about themselves.
Technology makes it even easier for the abuser to control his/her victim. Most teenagers have internet access, email accounts, IM accounts as well as cell phones. They can be reached at any time day or night. This makes it easier for the abuser to keep tabs on the victim.
Technology can also be used as a weapon. Girls, especially, will place nasty rumors online about boys onto message boards and spread them throughout their school, if the boy does not do as she wants. Girls also will call a boy weak, laugh at his clothes or even question his sexuality. Boys do not always tell on the girls because they feel weak and they are embarrassed.
Girls and boys can use the cell phones to keep tabs on where their boyfriends and girlfriends are at any given moment. If they do not answer, they can usually then text the person and threaten on what will happen if they do not take their next call. Abusers may even expect their girlfriends and boyfriends to answer these phones in the middle of the night.
How can you help your child if you suspect he or she is being abused?
First, realize if you verbally attack the abuser, the child will come to his or her offense, especially if this is their first real relationship. Instead, try to talk about an abuse problem in third person, such as discuss a movie you saw or a story you heard and then ask your child’s opinion on the matter.
If you suspect there is a problem ask specific questions such as: Does he/she call you names? Does he/she check up on you? Does he/she make most of your decisions? Gauge the child’s reactions and watch about using the word abuse, or the child will again become offensive.
If you are positive there is a problem, tell your child that you support him/her. Express why you are worried.
If your child decides to break up with this person, have him/her do it by phone. Yes, breaking up in person is the nice way to do it. But it isthe safe way. If you feel your child may not be safe after breaking up, have your child spend the night with a loved one. Definitely change your child’s cell phone number. If the abuser makes a threat or becomes violent, get the police involved.
Some signs to watch out for that may signal that your child is in an abusive relationship:
Change in attitude toward you
Unexplained bruises or wearing longer shirts
Receiving text messages or calls late at night
Receiving many messages or calls in a row
Change in appearance (trying to look less attractive)
Seeing less of regular friends
Moodiness (more than normal)
There are places where your child and yourself can get help:
www.loveisrespect.org National teen dating abuse help line. Teen counselors, support and referrals.www.chooserespect.org offers quizzes, downloads and information for teenswww.breakthecycle.org offers legal advice, support and online communities
