Conan O’Brien is the host of the NBC comedy show Late Night with Conan O’Brien. As is the format of many late-night talk shows, Conan O’Brien opens with a monologue and follows with celebrity interviews. The self-deprecating style of humor displayed on the show is something I adore. But there are also many funny lines in his monologues. Here are some of Conan O’Brien’s best quotes taken from his monologues:
“Starbucks says it’s going to put religions in the cups. The first one will say: “Jesus! This cup is expensive!”
“Earlier today, President Bush spoke on the phone with the prime minister of Australia. When the prime minister told him he would be in Australia tomorrow, Bush’s head exploded.”
In West Virginia yesterday, a man was arrested for stealing several dollars worth of beats. However, the police had no business taking the man for breath.
“I am not worried about things in the world because yesterday President Bush told reporters that he is monitoring the situation in North Korea very carefully. In fact, today President of the whole spent the day watching M.A.S.H‘s events.”
“After hearing the president’s speech, Democrats in the Senate are seeking bipartisan support for a non-binding resolution opposing President Bush’s military deployment. In response, President Bush said, “Huh?
“Presidential candidate Sam Brownback kicked off a 1,000-mile campaign trail through Iowa. Brownback said, ‘I’m not going to stop until I find somebody who knows who the hell I am.'”
“Tonight on 20/20,” Barbara Walters interviewed the new king of Saudi Arabia about women’s rights and Walters asked why the king won’t let women in cars. King responded with two words: Lindsay Lohan.”
This week Disney opened its first ever theme Park in China. More than ten thousand children showed up on opening day. And this was just for making shirts.
Yesterday at the confirmation hearing, Supreme Court nominee John Roberts said, “Good lawyers can argue on either side of the case.” .’ Then Robert said, “They cannot.”
The dear 60-year-old turns this May and announced that he wants to celebrate his 60th birthday by doing a hundredfold nude in a men’s magazine. Which is inappropriate, because the last thing a Cher fan wants to see is a naked woman.”
One of the big rumors in Hollywood right now is that Jennifer Aniston broke up with Brad Pitt because he spends. too much time with Angelina Jolie. When asked to comment, Brad Pitt said, “Isn’t my life terrible?”
“This week, President Bush announced that he would launch a new campaign to resolve the conflict between the Israelis and the Palestinians. When asked why, Bush said, “It’s fun to finally get myself into the problem.”
It’s reported that Mary Kate Olsen doesn’t like going to school at NYU and she thinks about college When asked why Mary Kate said, “I have millions.”
“There was a gem robbery at Ozzy Osbourne’s house and the police say he may be inside the office. Ozzy seems very upset when he hears this and asks, ‘Did I do it?’
“Yesterday after the Thanksgiving parade, Donald Trump appeared at Macy’s to promote new spices and business suits. Unfortunately, the winds were high and Trump’s hair nearly killed two people.”
“A study in the Washington Post” says that women have better verbal skills than men. I just want to say to the authors of that study: “Duh.”
According to a new survey, 40 percent of adults in Mexico say they would move to the United States if married. The number would have been higher, but the other 60 percent will already live here.”
“Present campaign getting dirty, have you heard of this? Yesterday, a 27-year-old woman came forward to deny rumors that she had an affair with Democratic front runner John Kerry. The woman added, “I never want to cheat. on Bill Clinton.'”
The other day, New York Mayor Mike Bloomberg criticized the Church of Scientology by saying that religion does not make sense. In response, Cruise angrily said, “Cupcakes, Zipper, Armadillo.”
During the debate, John Edwards accused Dick Cheney of ‘not being straight with the American people.’
Sources of Conan O’Brien quotes:
Brainy Quotes, “Conan O’Brien Quotes”; URL: (http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/c/conan_obrien.html
About.com: Political Humor, “George Bush Jokes”; URL: (http://politicalhumor.about.com/od/bushjokes/a/2007bushjokes.htm
Faxtoons.com: Political Humor, “Conan O’Brien Quotes”; URL: (“http://politics.faxtoons.com/quotes/conan.php
URL: (http://www.iowavotes2008.com/index2.php?option=com_content&do;_pdf=1&id;=19.
NBC, “Late Night with Conan O’Brian”; URL: (http://www.nbc.com/nbc/Late_Night_with_Conan_OBrien/quotables/
