Divorce is a strange concept for children to understand. With so many marriages ending in divorce today, it is often the children who are at the greatest risk of suffering the emotional complications when a marriage falls apart. As parents, understanding the very nature the divorce may have on our children, and possibly timing a divorce to fit an child’s age, will help to transit the children through this life changing event when they are most emotionally and intellectually capable of processing the event.
In many families, unfortunately, there is one child who will often handle the effects of divorce most severely. While, under normal circumstances, one out of every 10 children is considered unhappy, troubled or temperamental, the effect of a divorce upon these children can be profound.
For infants, from birth through toddler age, the impact of a divorce may not seem, at face value, to be that significant. However, when faced with the unstable home environment of a divorce, and the lack of consistency in their lives, the infant will commonly become more temperamental than usual which can lead to the first indications of a maladjusted personality into childhood and adulthood. Infants of divorcing parents often cry excessively, have trouble with diet and digestion and even show signs of regression.
In addition to infants, pre-school age children also show profound impacts of divorce. In fact, it is this age group, the period before school, which seems to be most affected by a separation or divorce of parents. Statistics have shown that divorce and separation, during a child’s age of two to three years, often leads to delayed development, even regression, with many children becoming increasingly whiny, irritable and may throw temper tantrums more often than their counterparts. Child therapy and counseling is crucial for children in this age group.
The next most vulnerable period is the child who is ready to enter school. With the impending divorce and separation of parents, the child who is entering school will now face the added separation from home life. Sadness, fear and anger often pre-occupy the minds of this age group and, as a result, school age children are susceptible to fears and find they are unable to absorb academic information accurately. For these children, the growth and development is often not impaired or regressed, however, they are unable to academically achieve due to pre-occupation with the emotional distress at home.
As with any family separation or divorce, children, often, are the individuals who suffer the greatest hardship. Because children are unable to control the dynamics of the divorce, coupled with the unfamiliar circumstances involving the divorce and the legalities, children will tend to act out their frustrations and anger in other manners; through regression, anger and temperament. For children who are already pre-disposed to these temperamental behaviors, divorce only compounds the effect and leads to lifelong complications when not treated early and professional by a child psychologist.
