I avoided this picture when it came out in theaters, against my judgment. It seemed like a move I’d really enjoy. I like football, sometimes I enjoy gambling, and usually like some movie starring the great Al Pacino. But because of the horrible reviews, I was looking at the potential of spending $9 while fully intending to hit the check with the rental.
Unfortunately, I will never get the last two hours of my life back, but I can warn as many people as I live: For Two Money, the motion picture is absolutely horrifying. It must be locked up in a vault for all eternity. Aside from a few moments of awkward laughter inspired by some of the extraneous scenes ever caught on camera, this movie is disjointed, lacking in great visuals, written by a dyslexic seventh grader. the fact that Al Pacino even looks at him (nor the stars) a sad sad fact of life that I never transgress.
Matthew McConaughey, in the role of the smallest stars 900 number football picker turned million dollar sure bet, the art that does not to act I realized McConaughey was one big one, and one only: playing Wooderson in Dazed and Confused. Every follow-up role he’s ever attempted has basically been an extension of his character, which I’m guessing is probably how he really acts. [Note: when he was caught playing the bongos naked and stoned in real life, he tells the most about this matter]. The problem is, I guess all Hollywood producers are too stupid to know this. His MO works fine in bits, but he’s not capable of any movie where he doesn’t play a stoner (and I’m not sold on him doing that movie).
But I am too hard on Matt. It is not the fault of the two. It’s DJ Caruson’s fault. A director who has shown such potential with classics like Nick of Time. I would like to ask what the hell is the point of 12 montages of random weight. I also have a thing with history. The plot, somehow based on a real guy (key word), is so god awful that I couldn’t decide if it was supposed to be cheesy or really dramatic or neither. The scenes range from McConaughey getting pissed in Central Park to him crying at the airport with Al Pacino having a heart attack (which turns out to be his friend). And there is this sex scene.
Late Night skinemax has nothing in this sex scene. Granted, I watched the so-called unrated version of this movie (unrate, I’m just guessing because of how amazing and graphic sex scene). Here’s the parochial one: McConaughey who, a few weeks ago, teased word of the rumour, saying that he was upset when Pacino didn’t increase his commission in all the millions out there, and he decided to go out and bang a couple of detractors/prostitutes (I’m not sure what they were ,’ is not really clear, not that it matters). It starts out as cliche as possible with dirty talk and prayers, rolling money on a naked bed…but then it just gets weird. With hard porn camera softcore, Matt starts to valve one of the girls from behind head) to mumble in all sorts of unusual ways. I was laughing too hard to actually process the hell he could be talking about. The other girl then proceeds to grab McConaughey’s ass hand and the scene with him grabs the girls violently (he looks clearly uncomfortable, and they don’t act like they’re uncomfortable). I was certainly not of the conclusion that the girl was supposed to have a penis, but insisted anyway.
I didn’t want it to be so graphic, but it just happened. I was surprised that someone was so out of order in someone who, until the end, had been so unmemorable in my time; Frankly, I think it’s scarred for life.
Needless to say, behind the scenes this windows movie. I was just wondering what the hell Al Pacino was doing in this disaster. This was not the scent of a woman. Ernest does not even observe Christmas. Shit, this wasn’t even Ernest Goes to Jail or Ernest Scared Stupid. In fact, Jim Varney himself (may God rest his soul) actually made this movie ten times better.
Before I looked at this, I wasn’t sure if the bigger picture of my move could ever be so bad. Even the ever-hilarious Jeremy Piven (PCU, acting in Entourage) couldn’t buy his giggling support role; and I am sure that this was the only reason it was thrown away. Oh yeah, Rene Russo is in it too for some reason. Pacini’s wife plays – unable to play the dry wall part. Horrible soon.
Please do not watch this movie. Normally, I would tell you that it is so bad for you that I can see for myself. But the fool indeed laughs; It’s more horrible than hilariously horrible and most of all my giggles were just a forced reaction because I didn’t want to cry in front of my friends.
All we can do is pray that he doesn’t lose this great piece of Pacini’s life. Honestly, I’m not so sure.
