Catching you off guard, your heart starts racing, your thoughts fly by, you are elated and feeling on to of the world for no apparent reason. You are having a manic attack. As quickly as it came it fades and is replaced by a deeply rooted feeling of isolation and self hate. From the dawn of the ages people have always been weary of the unknown and the different. As time has progressed that isolated fear has morphed into open teasing and unnecessary hates. Being bipolar I have had to deal with uncertainties and acts of indifference; however, it is possible to lead a happy and full life while being bipolar. As many a great people have said we must fight fear and hate with knowledge and the wisdom of how to use it..As heightened beings we must learn to share our experiences and differences with others to help better promote understanding and civility towards one another..
Bipolar disease is a chemical imbalance in the brain. The chemical produced by the brain known as serotonin is responsible for a person feeling normal emotions as they come to them. Our surroundings and situations let our body know how much serotonin levels are not controlled and fluctuates allowing for high manic episodes and deep depressive ones. Bipolar disease is often hereditary and appears in three major forms. The is manic depressive, in this state senses are heightened moving at a rapid state, making emotions difficult to control and progressive thoughts nearly impossible. The second is depressive bipolar. A person in this state will often be unbelievably sad and moody; they are often at their creative peaks during this phase but they lack the energy and motivational skills to carry out such ideas. The third is the least common and it is a combination of the two. A person will change between feeling really elated, normal and really depressed, it is often the most difficult to deal with. Swings for all types can last anywhere from a few moments to a couple of months and severe cases can last years. Most attacks can help be controlled by medications that help to balance out the serotonin but the medication in no way cures the imbalance or eliminates the effects; medication is only to reduce the effects.
Around my junior year I started being frequented by panic attacks, episodes of depression and spouts of hyper activity. It made concentrating in school or on school work difficult. Maintaining my social relationships become harder as I started blowing more people off because I felt alone of I was having difficulty in interacting and listening. My school work also started to fail as I missed more and more classes because of the pressures of social interactions or because of the fear of having an episode in class and being labeled a freak. As concern grew we checked in with my doctor about what I was experiencing and feeling and he presented us with the possibility of my being manic/depressive bipolar. I agreed to the standard testing for this. The testing consisted of me meeting one on one with a psychologist and answering basic psychiatric questions about my current feelings, past feelings and my upbringing, along with slight chemical testing to check my balancing levels. After a few weeks it was determined that I was indeed bipolar. Now I was faced with the decision to be medicated or not. I chose to deal with it as it came and to only take the medications when the episodes felt unbearable.
Dealing with it over the years as I have, I have learned to live with it like one does an old cat. It is something that needs constant attention and often just tends to get into the way but it is hard to remember a time without it. By researching the condition myself it has made it easier for me to accept what I have and also to explain it to others better so that they too can know what to expect from me. I never thought it possible but it has become a part of my life rather than being on the outskirts hindering it. With some difficulty I am able to work full time, attend school full time and maintain a healthy social life like any other person. All of these things just take more effort on my part because I need to focus a lot harder, push myself a greater deal further, and try against all odds to avoid breaking down or snapping at people when I am in a mood. I know that having differences can be difficult but I also know that by letting others know it has helped to ease some of the foreboding tension that comes along with being bipolar. It has helped me to start talking to my friends about this because it helps them to understand why I am the way I am sometimes. It helps them to be more patient and understanding with me when I am in need. It is also helpful because although my friends are aware now and more understanding they also don’t let me get away with anything. It is because of them that I have come to accept being bipolar. They have helped me to see it as having unruly hair, you spend more, you work harder, you take more time getting it into order but in the end it’s just another thing that’s a part of you.
We reside in a world where everything at one time or another was different and unknown. Like we always have we will learn about these things, accept these things and improve upon them. Learning about the theory of relativity has given us the laws of gravity, studying, bacteria and viruses has given us vaccinations that save lives. As sir Winston Churchill once said, “If you have knowledge, let others light their candles with it.” Without light we are masked by shadows, fumbling around in the dark looking for light or a guiding hand.
