First off it’s hard to believe anyone would want to get rid of a hickey. In many ways it is symbolic. It is a sign that somebody out there finds you so irresistible that they were trying to eat you. That is quite a compliment. Never has there been a time that I applied a hickey to one lovely lady and then immediately started thinking about examples of sympathy notes. The hickey is delivered in a moment of pure animal instinct. The recipient is targeted as an object of absolute desire. It is a glorious moment of worship. Still want to get rid of it? Fine.
Wait. Think first about who gave it to you. I for one would cherish a donation from Salma Hayek. In fact, if she were to give me a hickey, there is a good chance I would be wearing a t-shirt with an arrow letting the whole world know where it came from. I would probably start drafting examples of imagery poems to fully capture the moment it happened. There would be earth satellite views posted up in my neighbourhood so that people could see where it happened even from space. Emergency rooms in hospitals who do gastric banding would shut down to take photographs of my condition, on my request of course. You never know, I could make the next edition of medical weekly.
On the other hand if it was given to me by somebody like Bianca Golden from America’s Next Top Model, I would want to get rid of that thing as quickly as possible. She is just an evil person. More importantly I would probably be concerned about how it happened. Was I drunk? Did I fall down and hit my head? It probably happened while I was unconscious. What happened to Jennifer Grey? Why am I even wondering about that? I really did hit my head! Thank goodness. Sorry. You still want to get rid of your hickey.
Despite ignoring all the anthropological significance of your new found markings, here is how you can get rid of hickeys. One idea is applying a cold compress. This will help reduce swelling which is constricting blood vessels that are making it difficult to get new blood to the scene of the crime. With the reduction in swelling, the healing can begin. Although, I’m still not sure why you would want that to happen.
Another good thing to try is massage. Remember a hickey is nothing more than a bruise. You are dealing with small ruptured blood vessels under the skin that are resulting in a clot and that is the dark spot you are seeing. That is the glorious hickey that you would rather send away like a desperate child in the night. By massaging it you are attempting to break up the blood clot and hence dissipate the hickey. That poor poor hickey. What did it ever do to you? First you welcome it and then you throw it away like a piece of meat.
Finally, another good way to get rid of it is applying warm compresses after a day or two. What this will do is allow blood vessels to then expand, welcoming in fresh blood to enrich and help heal the area. Hope you are happy. These are only ways to help treat the hickey. There is no magic way to instantly make a bruise of any kind disappear. What you should really be concerned about is the kind of person that you have become. Obviously you have a tendency to multiple personality disorder. On the one hand you are a passionate, giving individual who clearly gets along well with others. On the other, you are a shameful insecure misfit who can’t decide what they want it life. Keep it up crazy person.
