You don’t have to look very hard to find someone who thinks spanking and punishing children for their misbehavior is damaging to them. Some go so far as to never tell their children “No”. These are people who are afraid that any punishment their child could be misconstrued as abuse.
But there is a huge difference between negative reinforcement and child abuse. Without that negative reinforcement, children become chaotic and uncontrollable. Here’s why it works and how to go about it.
Forms of Negative Reinforcement
Punishment for misbehavior can be accomplished through many means: spanking, restriction of privileges, or a simple no.
Spanking is an important part of punishment, but the one most often shied away from by parents. It should be used primarily on younger children, typically before they become teenagers. By that age they can have meaningful discussions about their disobedience and better understand and appreciate punishments that restrict their privileges.
Spanking can be a swift slap on a child’s behind or hand. It can also be done with a dowel rod (a thin stick often found at hardware stores). The spanking should only be a few strokes and none of them should be strong enough to leave a bruise or cause pain for more than a few seconds.
Corporeal punishment should never be applied to the head or stomach. If you are using your hand, it should always be with an open-handed slap and never a fist. A spanking should never be given out of anger, but only as punishment for intentional wrong-doing.
Another way to use negative reinforcement is to take hold of your child when they are doing wrong. You’ll be stopping them from what they are doing, and giving them a chance to change it.
What to use When
Different offences call for different punishments. Giving a child a time out every time they misbehave is not an effective method of instilling good behavior.
The proper punishment should send the message that certain behavior is unacceptable. When your child intentionally misbehaves in front of you, a spanking or a quick slap on the offending area works well.
Sometimes the threat of a spanking works even better that the real thing. When my son misbehaves, I often ask him if he needs a spanking. Many times he tells me, “No,” and immediately obeys.
For offences that are not as serious, or for wrong-doings done while you are absent, taking away privileges is more appropriate. For younger children, this can be taking their toys or favorite toy away or denying a treat. For older children this can mean taking away television or video game privileges for a short time.
Punishments do not always need to be harsh. Sometimes just saying “no” and allowing your child a chance to change their behavior is enough. You’ll want to train your child to the point where physical punishments are essentially unnecessary, and they respond to verbal commands.
Why Negative Reinforcement Works
It’s impossible to reward bad behavior away. Telling your child if they stop their bad behavior they will get rewarded teaches them an inappropriate relationship between behavior and reward.
It is also nearly impossible to get very young children to cease bad behavior without negative reinforcement. They don’t know many words, so explanations won’t work. They understand that misbehavior will result in a spanking or a harsh “No!” if they are trained properly.
When children correlate misbehavior to pain, it causes them to reconsider what they may be about to do, and if the benefits of their actions outweigh the possible punishment. If they know they won’t be punished, there is nothing to deter them from bad behavior.
Negative reinforcement teaches children respect for rules and those in authority. It becomes a valuable life lesson they can always take with them as they grow.
