Having problems getting through to your teen about needed behavioral changes? A teen behavior contract may be the way to go. Teen behavior contracts are agreements between parent and child intended to produce desired outcomes. It may be higher grades, doing more chores, developing a better attitude, or making new friends. Regardless, the process to create a teen behavior contract is the same.
Decide what type of behaviors you need to eliminate.
Failing to come home on time needs to be part of a contract if it is a problem. Playing too many video games for too long and too often may need to be considered. For most teens, you need to include sexual activity as something to be eliminated. You will have your own list of behaviors to eliminate.
Plan the type of behavior that you want to encourage.
All parents have a wish list for their children. College preparation may be on the list. Doing more work around the house or at least keep their bedroom clean makes most lists. Improved attitudes and more respect for parents and other adult authority figures can be big. Pick the changes and plan a contract that will lead to what you want.
Be realistic.
You are unlikely to turn an extremely poor student into the class academic leader with one quick contract. Pick your battles and put them in writing. Avoid making the contract sound like an ultimatum if possible. This is an agreement reached by something resembling mutual consent. If both of you do not agree on it, it will not work very well.
Build a reward system.
Reducing unwanted behavior should have a reward attached. Likewise, when positive behavior is observed, it needs to be rewarded, too. The trick here is to find out how much change is enough to receive a reward. If you make it too little change, you will see very little progress. If you make it too much change, your teen may lose the incentive to try. This can be a little trial and error until you find what works best for your child. Your teen will probably tell you if it is too hard. It is not likely to be said if it is too easy.
Learn what will best work to keep your teen interested.
Because individual likes vary, you will have to find a reward or system of rewards that excite your teen enough to keep him or her working for it. The reward may be something that you have on your list of dislikes which is really not terrible in the big scheme of things. Even a body piercing is not the end of the world if it will lead to a big change in a highly desirable area. You just do not want to get too carried away making concessions on the types of things for rewards or the rewards may become the problem.
Explain your reasons to your teen for wanting a change in behavior.
Lack of quality communication is what leads to most situations between teens and their parents. Use the development of this contract to establish some lines of communication. Make sure that the changes are not to just make you happy, but are intended to cause long-term benefits for the teen.
Negotiate what changes you will include in your first contract.
Be flexible when opening the contract negotiations. Listen to your teen as much as you talk. Make sure that it is not just you lecturing your teen. Be willing to delay some of your wants to get your teen on board with the contract. Once this contract is working and your child sees the up side, making a new and more extensive contract will be much easier. Keep this one simple. A contract that will work is your goal.
Set up times to review progress and potential adjustments.
Once the contract is in place, you need to monitor it together with your teen. Meet at least once per week. Your teen may grumble, but deep down he or she will respect you for wanting to be a good parent and help them to grow into a good adult. Do not be afraid to make changes when they are warranted. Keep the contract working as a living and changing document. You will learn some things about yourself as you work to parent your teen.
