Recovery for adults molested as children can take time and at the same time is essential in order to have healthy relations with the self and others. For many victims of molest years of hurt and pain have manifested itself in different ways that can further complicate the recovery process and require more intense work through recovery. To help understand what type of factors will determine the type of impact child molestation will have on someone’s life and what an adult molested as a child can do to recover, I have interviewed therapist Sherry Murray, MA, LMHC, PLLC.
Tell me a little bit about yourself.
“I earned my BA from Eastern Washington University in 1993, a combined degree in Computer Science and Technical Writing. I then changed majors and graduated summa cum laude from Gonzaga University in Spokane, Washington in 1999 with a Master’s Degree in Counseling Psychology.”
Due to my own experience, my desire was to work with victims of childhood trauma. I first worked for Lutheran Community Services, a local non-profit agency that specializes in counseling victims of sexual abuse and other traumas. I worked there full time for 4 years and in 2003 started my private practice part time on the side. I worked both jobs for two more years and then in 2005 I left the agency and I have been working full time in my private practice since then, continuing my specialization of working with victims of trauma, including sexual and physical abuse as children.”
What are the factors that determine the impact child molestation will have on a person’s adult life?
“By child molestation I am here referring to any form of inappropriate sexual contact towards a child, including voyeurism, pornography, inappropriate touching, sexual contact, penetration, etc.”
“Just as there many types of molestation, there are also many factors that influence the impact on a victim of molestation. These include: The type of molestation; The number of times each act of molestation occurred; Over how long of a time span the molestation occurred; The type of relationship the perpetrator and victim have; The child’s age at the time they were molested. The younger the child, the naturally more self-centered they are and the more self-blame will ensue, as they will pften make sense of the event with inaccurate self-beliefs, i.e., I am bad or my only purpose in life is to be a sex object, etc; How the molest is handled after it occurs. For example, if the child does not feel safe enough to tell someone, there is a further betrayal to be dealt with in that no one helped. (Children believe a parent should do what the child needs, regardless if the child is able to tell.) If the child does tell and is not believed, that betrayal will further confuse the child. If the child is believed, but not protected from future molestation, there are further betrayal issues, further confusion, as well as continuing molestation that will need to be dealt with.”
The best long term outcome after a molest is when the child is in an environment where they feel safe enough to tell someone right away, they are believed, and action is taken to protect the child from all future molestation, from all possible perpetrators. In this case there can often be little impact, since the child learns that there are bad things that happen in life, but there are loved ones who care and are there to help them through it ‘” a very powerful belief that will guide them well through life.”
How will molestation as a child impact a victim in their adult life?
“Below I have listed just some of the ways an adult’s life may be impacted by childhood molest. (These symptoms may also be a result of other types of childhood traumas).
There may be a physical impact if the abuse caused physical harm to the body.
There may be varying emotional issues, such as addictions, eating disorders, anxiety issues, depression, body image distortions, self-abusive behaviors, post traumatic stress disorder, or others.
“There may be social/relationships issues. The person may suffer from an unclear understanding of physical, sexual, and emotional boundaries between persons. They may have none of their own, have no ability to enforce their own, or not honor those of others. There may be trust issues. They may be confused about whom to trust and find themselves taken in by deceitful people over and over again, sometimes in business deals, often in intimate relationships. Conversely, they may not have been able to develop a healthy sense of empathy, and unknowingly use others to their own gain, as they were used themselves. They may vacillate between these two stances.”
“There may be avoidance issues. They may be attracted to drama or turmoil, and/or people who live in constant chaos. This often is to distract from their internal pain.”
“There may be sexual issues. They may be confused about their role as a sexual partner, having no understanding of their own sexual desires. They may become promiscuous, reenacting their trauma with themselves in the power role. They may have no sexual desires at all.”
“There may be a state of denial they can no longer control. It is a natural tendency to deny the existence of anything that is too painful to endure. Denial is very common with sexual molestation, and it is a powerful and useful coping skill to be honored as a way to survive while the molestation is occurring. However, sometimes adults with a history of childhood sexual molestation still live in denial, which can interfere with their ability to keep themselves, their children and/or other children safe.”
“The impact on each individual is varied and hard to predict. What is important to remember is that the behaviors they developed as a child were there to protect them either from the act itself, from the issues in the environment surrounding it, or from their overwhelming feelings about it. While these behaviors were important at the time and helped them to survive, once they are no longer in the abusive situation, the behaviors may cause problems and become detrimental.
What are some things that an adult who was molested as a child do to recover?
“As mentioned above, to honor what they did to survive and not berate themselves for the problematic behaviors now. To identify any areas in their lives that are not working well for them and take steps toward healing and recovery. There are many self-help books that offer steps towards healing. This is very difficult work, though, and I don’t recommend it be done alone. It is much more helpful to enlist help in this work, as it is difficult to see the way out from inside.”
What type of professional help is available for adults who were molested as children?
“While there are many types of therapies, there are several that have been empirically researched and proven effective to work well with traumas like molestation. Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), and Trauma-focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) are the two most commonly recommended for trauma. Another less commonly known but empirically researched method, Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PET) has been approved by the VA for work with traumatized veterans.
Besides individual therapy using one of these methods, it is often helpful to attend therapeutic or support groups, as this can help to alleviate the sense of being alone and different.”
To find help in your area, ask your doctor for a referral to a trusted counselor, social worker, or at the PhD level, a psychologist or psychiatrist. You can ask for a qualified provider through your medical insurance. You can also search online for a professional who is has experience in trauma work.
What last advice would you like to leave for an adult who was molested as a child?
“Childhood molestation can have a lasting impact if not dealt with properly then or now. If you have any of the behaviors or difficulties mentioned or if you are having difficulties in any area of your life, I encourage you to get help as soon as possible. The longer you live your life impacted by how you made sense of what happened to you, the more issues you can develop as an adult. You are more likely to choose unhealthy or perpetrating mates ‘” causing further damage in your life to be dealt with, and you may be more likely to pass some sense of the dysfunction on to your own children.”
“Remember that although something may have happened to you, it says nothing about who you are. You deserve to, and are capable of, living a healthy, loving, happy life. I not only encourage you to pursue it, but assure you it is well worth the work to get there.”
Thank you Sherry for doing the interview on recovery for adults molested as children. For more information about Sherry Murray or her work you can check out her website on www.CounselingCenterofSpokane.com.
Recommended Readings:
How to Stop Being a Victim of Verbal Abuse
How to Forgive an Abusive Parent
How to Overcome Memories of Childhood Sexual Abuse
