“Cutting is not attention seeking. It’s not Manipulative. It’s a coping mechanism – a punitive, unpleasant, potentially dangerous one – but it works. It helps me to cope with strong emotions that I don’t know how to deal with. Don’t tell me to stop. Don’t try to make me feel guilty, that’s how I feel already. Listen to me, support me, help me.”This passage came from a book, A Bright Red Scream: Self-Mutilation and the Language of Pain written by Marilee Strong. These words hit home. These are the unspoken and painful words of almost all of those who self-injure – including myself. Thankfully, I have found the strength inside myself to stop. I believe it to be one of the greatest accomplishments in my life. To this day, I don’t know what made me pick up that first razor blade, or light that first candle. I do know one thing for sure though; there is really no pain like the pain of hurting yourself. Of course, most people can not even begin to imagine hurting themselves on purpose. That thought is just incomprehensible. Unfortunately for a select few in our society, it is not so difficult to imagine. It is a way to deal with problems; it is a way of life.
According to the Mayo Clinic web site, self-injury is defined as “the act of deliberately harming your own body, such as cutting or burning yourself.” Despite being labeled as “cutters,” self-mutilators use numerous methods to hurt themselves. Some of them include cutting, burning, hitting, and pulling out one’s own hair.
“Cutting,” as it is sometimes called, is not one of the more well known problems in our society today. While it is hard to get an actual number of people who self-injure, it is estimated that about 1% of our population is dealing with this emotional disturbance.
Looking For Attention or Attempted Suicide?
Despite common misconceptions, hurting one’s self is not used to get attention or to get noticed. I can’t even begin to count how many times I have heard someone say, “Oh, they just do it for attention.” This belief is the epitome of ignorance. If we were just doing it for attention, then why do most of us go to such lengths as long sleeves in summer or heavy makeup on our bodies to cover up fresh wounds or scars?
If there was only one thing about this disorder that someone could get through their head it would be that self-mutilation is that it is NOT an attention seeking technique. It is merely a way to deal with the frustrations of life. It is a dangerous way for certain people to deal with their feelings, and it need to be addressed and treated.
Self-mutilation has often been mistaken for unsuccessful suicide attempts. This is far from the truth. Cutters have no intention of killing themselves, but trips to the emergency room aren’t unheard of. When they hurt themselves, almost all of the more serious injuries are the result of accidents. Some are more serious than others. Cutting too deeply is the most common accident. The chances of hitting a major vein or artery are pretty high. Infection is another serious risk of self-injury. If a serious cut is not treated properly, it can become infected and it is possible for that infection to spread to other parts of the body. Once an infection spreads, it is harder to treat.
Body Art and Self-Injury
It is commonly thought that body art is a form of self mutilation. This is simply not true. The differences between body art and self-mutilation are great. Body art is done to make a statement or to be set apart by others. Tattoos and piercings are usually displayed proudly. On the other hand, self-mutilators are often very ashamed of what they do, and will go to great lengths to hide it. Many hide it for years and some never tell a soul as long as they live.
In her book, Everything You Need to Know About Self-Mutilation, Gina Ng says that true self-mutilation is done for completely different reasons than body art. The main reason is basically the same for all self-injurers; they know of no other way to handle their problems. They often hide their feelings, and as a result, everything that they had been thinking and feeling becomes bottled up inside them and eventually explodes. Cutting, burning, or otherwise harming themselves becomes a sort of emotional release for them. After a time of hiding them, their feelings become separate from them. They are filled with an emotional void, or more appropriately, an emotional deadness. For reassurance that they are still alive, they substitute emotional pain for physical pain and hurt themselves.
Abuse and Self-Injury
When it comes to a question of “why,” abuse plays a large part, especially sexual abuse. In Strong’s book, she writes about one study that shows nearly 50% of self-mutilators were sexually abused as children. Children that are abused are more likely to self injure than those who are not abused. If they were not abused themselves, then they may have witnessed their mother or siblings being abused.
In a way, the self-injurer is reenacting the abuse in their life when they hurt themselves. They take the place of the three major individuals during abuse: the abuser, the abusee, and the person who is there to pick up the pieces after the abuse. Many cutters take very good care of their wounds afterward, such as applying bandages and antibiotics, or even stitching themselves up.
The difference, though, between abuse and self injury is the control. While being abused, the person finds that they have no control over what is happening to them. That control belongs to the abuser. In turn, to gain back control of their bodies, they abuse themselves and they control what happens to their bodies.
Who Self-Injures?
In her book, Ng explores the question about who is the “typical” self-mutilator. Almost 97% of them are female. There are a few possible explanations for this. For one thing, women tend to think negatively about their bodies than men do. Women in this society today are taught that they must be thin and beautiful to get anywhere in life. Some women actually believe that they do not live up to standards and they are not thin enough or pretty enough.
Often, women are taught that showing intense emotions such as anger or despair is considered to be unfeminine, unattractive, or “not lady like.” Therefore, the end up hiding their feelings and emotions until they eventually erupt.
Most self-injurers are in the middle or upper-classes, and many strive for perfection to the point of not being able to handle normal, small failures well.
Living With the Scars
Scars are pretty much a sure thing on the bodies of self-mutilators. I have yet to meet one with no scars. Though not really physically dangerous, scars can be very hard to explain. Sometimes, scars can be reduced. There are over the counter and prescription creams available on the market, and cortisone injections can flatten some raised scars. Surgery is also an option, but it leaves its own scars.
Hiding scars is usually the easiest possibility. Scars on the arms and legs can be hidden by clothing. Conveniently placed watches and bracelets can hide scars on wrists, or scars can be covered by heavy makeup. No matter how well you hide your scars, though, someone will inevitably see them and you will have to face the question of what happened.
Help For Yourself
Stopping self-mutilation is a difficult and important decision to make. One must be ready to stop. Just as no one can make you hurt yourself, no one can make you stop. If you make the decision to stop hurting yourself not because you WANT to stop, but for some other reason, then the possibilities of starting up again are great.
The most important thing to remember when you realize that you do not want to injure yourself anymore is to keep your mind off self-injury and keep busy. Start working out, go for a walk, or play sports. Physical activity helps take your mind off of things for awhile. Keep yourself distracted.
This would be a good time to start a journal if you don’t already have one. Writing gets deep, buried emotions out of your system. Write whatever you want. No one but you, hopefully, will ever see it unless you want them to. Also, make sure that you get rid of all razor blades, matches, lighters, and anything else that you use to harm yourself. If it isn’t there, then you can’t use it.
It may greatly benefit you to seek help from someone trusting and non-judgmental. Friends, siblings, teachers, or guidance counselors are always good people to turn to if you don’t feel comfortable talking to your parents.
If you do decide to tell your friends and family members, there are a few tactful things to remember.
1. Pick a time and place to do so. It’s imperative that you don’t have to rush, and there will be no interruptions.
2. Educate yourself on the subject. Read everything you can get your hands on. There are numerous books in the library and articles online. Try to answer all of their questions.
3. Never come out in anger or blame it on them
Help For Someone You Love
Perhaps you have found yourself in the position of finding out that you loved one is a self-injurer. You may feel as if it is your fault, or that there was something that you could have done. To ease your mind, let me state that it is not your fault and there was nothing you could do…but there is now.
1. Do not judge. This is the most important thing to remember. This person came to you out of love. They don’t need to be judged.
2. Make sure that you recognize the severity of the problem. Don’t blow it off as a way to get attention. That’s not what self-injury is about.
3. If you believe that they may be in danger of killing or seriously injuring themselves, stay with them until the urge to hurt passes.
4. Encourage them to talk to a professional, but don’t push.
Though the physical scars may fade with time, the emotional scars, unfortunately, will always be there. They are there to stay. The urge to hurt will slowly pass. You will probably slip a few times along the way, but don’t give up. You can get through this.
